tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26083196177546717072024-03-05T00:13:36.706-08:00A Roadway in the Wilderness"Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:18-19Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-38253888079449721332023-11-16T09:01:00.000-08:002023-11-16T09:01:56.598-08:00Hope That Does Not Disappoint<p>Does it feel like God has brought you to a season of parenting in which your only available option is to wait in hope for Him to move? I have found myself in that season often when it comes to my children’s hearts. I tend to weary myself in my efforts to shape and mold this tender part of my children that I ultimately have no control over. Each day can turn into a treadmill of exhaustion as I seek to maintain some manner of control over things I was never meant to control, hoping in my ability to bring about change.</p><p>Do you find yourself on that same treadmill? Is hope dangling out in front of you like that ever-elusive carrot that coaxes you onward? Are you having difficulty pulling the emergency stop cord on your treadmill of striving? The sometimes-chaotic seasons of parenting can tempt us to get caught up in our efforts as the commotion of the day makes it difficult to hear that still, small voice that whispers, beckoning us to cease our striving and instead wait for a hope that will not disappoint.</p><p>Scripture often uses everyday things to illustrate to us what it looks like to walk in obedience. One verse that comes to mind is Proverbs 6:6, which instructs us to look at the ant to gain wisdom in what it means to work diligently at the job before us. Sometimes that work looks more like being still and waiting on something, <i>Someone</i>, other than us. I try to be aware of the everyday things around me that can also teach me something about the wisdom of God. In a recent season of striving, God chose to use a flower to remind me of where to place my hope.</p><p>I received an Amaryllis Amigo bulb for Christmas. As this kind of bulb wakes from its slumber and pushes its way out of the dirt, its thick, green stalk can reach nearly two feet tall. When it blooms, it’s as if that stalk has just applied a deep pink, almost red, lipstick to its opening mouth. The bulb required nothing from me but the faithfulness to water it once a week, keeping its soil just damp to the touch. Each morning I’d awaken to find that while I slept, the bulb had visibly changed. </p><p>First, it was the green stalk that inched its way from the potted earth, stretching toward the ceiling as if it wanted to break right through and touch the sun that beckoned it upward. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwajiwi_qTBxlm5iqJFh7ex41Jz8C1QOsPHEYfJEl31Up3BYUv1huxtPSPqTTgGjfuhlkFkCLjaSF4_znxd5ARYVjjnDYFuckzaoGAgTWeZ_E11WDStYGTW6EVoqGqj5kyEBV0SHhmTFtrclOWUrqrdqroTxWdeEwFA_nXxT_34YPVx3OCvxBfoWewyZxI/s4032/IMG_2530.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwajiwi_qTBxlm5iqJFh7ex41Jz8C1QOsPHEYfJEl31Up3BYUv1huxtPSPqTTgGjfuhlkFkCLjaSF4_znxd5ARYVjjnDYFuckzaoGAgTWeZ_E11WDStYGTW6EVoqGqj5kyEBV0SHhmTFtrclOWUrqrdqroTxWdeEwFA_nXxT_34YPVx3OCvxBfoWewyZxI/s320/IMG_2530.jpg" width="240" /><br /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p>Then, it was the closed bud of the flower that bid me goodnight and the opened bloom that ushered in the dawn. Each of these things required nothing of me but to wait in hope as the plant did exactly what it was created to do.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBAyAUyk1lM0TWvmC0eK3mc0yI-auWMOeRG6p7GD7W-hJk6qD9Z3ZSy7fsxnpKjG7aIDrqhaB38N_lx6U2hS-hR6lTPfNxv2_ekiduYBH5EOvNEMWk0k3BiuCDczGME0Kc8XnIi0lJ7s8670bz63N9XWbXyejcoe6RgmTIuH-lo2m5tL_5hnbMZx3Fo2Vi/s4032/69617865764__71FEF01C-9B68-40A5-8403-A88B690F94CB.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBAyAUyk1lM0TWvmC0eK3mc0yI-auWMOeRG6p7GD7W-hJk6qD9Z3ZSy7fsxnpKjG7aIDrqhaB38N_lx6U2hS-hR6lTPfNxv2_ekiduYBH5EOvNEMWk0k3BiuCDczGME0Kc8XnIi0lJ7s8670bz63N9XWbXyejcoe6RgmTIuH-lo2m5tL_5hnbMZx3Fo2Vi/s320/69617865764__71FEF01C-9B68-40A5-8403-A88B690F94CB.jpg" width="240" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTWCGQt4ntH_0DUvSlZtqZVD8U584IO-BKh3sLV3RzL2gvHEO4uVsSrHEbC072nWXSkhjTJS0ulNJuG8B-KZnlNq0IGkjmzeYNbVBPsaqGi0iCvm_eFnbpmXFJChG4fReu6ScM6EhURfu6ARm58Egwg3G4g4EUChbvvPQ6crtL6za_PiHkZJb68zxRosi5/s4032/69647827091__4A1EE0F0-58B8-4D50-BDA5-0290F1B2DF09.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTWCGQt4ntH_0DUvSlZtqZVD8U584IO-BKh3sLV3RzL2gvHEO4uVsSrHEbC072nWXSkhjTJS0ulNJuG8B-KZnlNq0IGkjmzeYNbVBPsaqGi0iCvm_eFnbpmXFJChG4fReu6ScM6EhURfu6ARm58Egwg3G4g4EUChbvvPQ6crtL6za_PiHkZJb68zxRosi5/s320/69647827091__4A1EE0F0-58B8-4D50-BDA5-0290F1B2DF09.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p>As a parent, what kind of hope resides in your heart today? Is it an uncertain hope that keeps you chasing a moving finish line that disappears as it stretches out into the distance? Or is it a sure hope that will not disappoint as each day dawns anew? The Creator of our hearts faithfully causes not just our children’s hearts, but our own as well, to grow toward the Son who beckons all of us upward. One of my favorite verses is Romans 5:5 because it reminds me of this sure hope. It promises... </p><p style="text-align: center;"><i>“This hope does not disappoint us, for God has poured out his love into our hearts by means of the Holy Spirit, who is God’s gift to us."</i></p>Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-47438986789548349962016-11-11T10:09:00.000-08:002016-11-12T06:03:07.276-08:00be (love)dI tightened my laces and grabbed my water bottle, shivering a little as I left the warmth of my car for the brisk, fall air that greeted me as I headed for the trail. Freshly fallen leaves crunched under my feet as I picked up my pace and felt the cool air burn in my lungs. Colors of burnt orange and dull browns swirled around me as the autumn breeze had it's way with the leaves yet to find their resting place on the ground beneath my feet. This is unplugging for me. Choosing to set down what I can't control and choosing to run toward beauty. Letting it surround me. Breathing it in until my head is clear and I can begin to remember why I'm here. <br />
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Like most I'd imagine, I expected to wake up to something new on Wednesday. The something new I'd anticipated had nothing to do with who would win the White House. But instead with what would win the day once we got past the ugliness of the past few months. <br />
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The worst in him. The worst in her. Laid bare for all to see like skeletons cast out of a dark closet, clattering into a heap onto the nation's harsh, unforgiving, spotlit stage. All sides stared in horror at one or the other, some at both. But as the camera now pans out and shines it's revealing light on us...is it showing the worst in us? The best in us? We all battle those two sides deep in our hearts. Like a Jekyll and Hyde there are two things at war within ourselves. Which side will win out in front of a watching world? <br />
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Will we value hearing above being heard? <br />
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Will we require the validation of our own beliefs before we'll love the one who differs? <br />
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Will it be an aisle that continues to separate us and ultimately forever divide us? <br />
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<b>When last did we choose to BE love?</b><br />
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Is this love that is flooding our city streets and painting our phone's feeds? Because it looks and sounds a lot like hate. The one we're standing up for, do they feel loved by us? By our need to put down one to build up another? The one we say we're loving as we hurl obscenities in the street or pound the keys on our computer or the screens of our smartphones...have we stopped to ask if they feel loved? When last did we look straight into the eyes of someone hurting rather than from behind our carefully constructed walls of social media that keep us blinded to what true community is...keep us immune to the true need of our brother? Our sister? Can we truly love one when we have hatred for another?<br />
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It matters much more what goes on outside our own front doors than what happens behind closed doors at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Do we doubt our own capabilities so much that we need "our man" or "our woman" at the helm in order to live our lives driven by the passions put inside us? Can we not stand for what we believe in by reaching out to our neighbors, even when they fall on the opposite side of an issue? Are we too blinded by our own hurt that we no longer are moved to minister to the hurt in others? When did we last invite the hurting into our homes? When did we last allow ourselves to be bloodied by their wounds still so fresh that they wear them for all to see? <br />
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<b>When is the last time you let yourself BE loved?</b> <br />
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Why do we have to agree in order to accept the hand of the one that reaches out to us? Since when did it become more about <i>fighting</i> for unity rather than <i>choosing</i> unity? When we fight for it, it requires that there be both winner and loser. And we can't feel we've won until we can look at the one across from us and feel we're looking in a mirror. But what loss has our win created? When we choose unity, we can be loved by the one across from us, not just in spite of our differences, but <i>because</i> of our differences. How often would you eat a bag of m&m's if they were all orange? Skittles if they were all green?<br />
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"A Jewish man was traveling from Jerusalem down to Jericho, and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road. By chance a priest came along. But when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by. A Temple assistant walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side. Then a despised Samaritan came along, and when he saw the man, he felt compassion for him. Going over to him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. The next day he handed the innkeeper two silver coins, telling him, 'Take care of this man. If his bill runs higher than this, I'll pay you the next time I'm here.'</div>
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'Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by bandits?' Jesus asked. The man replied, 'The one who showed him mercy." Then Jesus said, </div>
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<i>'Yes, now go and do the same." </i></div>
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Luke 10:30-37</div>
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When is the last time we loved our neighbor like that? Picked him up off the road where he had fallen and carefully bandaged his wounds? Took the time to care for him personally at our own inconvenience and expense? Chose to defeat fear with a reminder of what's good rather than propagate it with a reminder of the potential worst? What would it have benefitted the Jewish man if the Samaritan had run off after the bandits to "make them pay" or to argue with them long enough to convince them that what they had done was wrong? Still, the Jewish man would have lain bleeding to death on the street while we "loved him" from a distance.</div>
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I think it's important to point out the historical context of the relationship between the Jews and the Samaritans. At the death of King Solomon, what was once a united kingdom became divided. A simmering hatred divided a nation of brothers. Are we content to go the same way? Can we pass our brother by as he lays bleeding in the street because we've determined that what separates us is too great a cavern to cross? Or will we extend that hand of brotherhood, of sisterhood simply because there's a need to be met and we have the courage to <i>show mercy</i>? As a country, can we love each other anyway knowing that we all ultimately want the same thing but are driven by different convictions? Are we doomed to always assume the worst in each other rather than look for the best? We all desire unity. We've just forgotten along the way that obtaining it comes by a choice and not by a fight.</div>
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Let's stop emulating the media's narrow version of how we should treat each other when we disagree. Let's unplug. Put down the smartphone. Push away from the desk. Turn off the TV. You guys!! People were smiling and friendly on the trail as I ran. Neighbors greeting neighbors with sometimes just a simple smile or a nod. And it felt GOOD. If I went by the online/on-screen version of things, my entire perspective on the heart of my fellow countrymen and women would be irreparably shattered. Are we really so enveloped by our bubble of choice that we forget there's a whole, wide world out there full of people, right outside our door, who care very little if our map is painted red or blue but are just aching for a glimpse of real, human connection? That is something we all have to offer, no matter the outcome of an election. Today. 4 years from now. 8 years from now. 1776 years from now.</div>
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Let's find tangible, messy ways to love our neighbor. Let's get outside our respective bubbles and live as if we really believed what we say we do. Be love. And let yourself be loved.</div>
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Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-49331782837389362662016-04-26T18:56:00.000-07:002016-04-26T18:56:37.039-07:00Manna for the MorningFrom the backseat I heard his 7-year-old voice quietly singing along with the words of the song that has been my lifeline in recent weeks...<div>
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<i>"Letting go of every single dream</i></div>
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<i>I lay each one down at Your feet</i></div>
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<i>Every moment of my wandering</i></div>
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<i>Never changes what you see</i></div>
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<i>I've tried to win this war I confess</i></div>
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<i>My hands are weary I need Your rest</i></div>
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<i>Mighty Warrior, King of the fight</i></div>
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<i>No matter what I face you're by my side</i></div>
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<i>When You don't move the mountains I'm needing You to move</i></div>
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<i>When You don't part the waters I wish I could walk through</i></div>
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<i>When You don't give the answers as I cry out to you</i></div>
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<i>I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!"</i></div>
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Three years ago if you had asked whether I still struggled with seeking the approval of others, I would have confidently told you that I didn't. I would have laughed and told you since leaving the halls of my high school that were wall-papered from top to bottom with insecurity that I cared far more about the truth of what my Heavenly Father thought of me than the ever changing opinions of others.</div>
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Then came a season of parenting that revealed the insecurities still alive inside that sought desperately for the outside approval that can become the flawed fuel I think I need to make it through another day.</div>
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Part of this season felt familiar to me. After having our biological children, I waited weeks to get that first smile of affirmation...that first look that makes your heart melt because suddenly, in a moment with just the upturned corners of a little mouth all the sleepless nights and bleary-eyed days have somehow crazily become worth it because all that matters in that moment is that she smiled and it was because of me. It was years before that give and take we find so mutually satisfying in healthy relationships became a regular occurrence. But this was all expected...because I had done my homework. I had read "What to Expect When You're Expecting" like every good mom does. ;) I'm not going to say those weeks and years of waiting were easy, but they certainly were expected.</div>
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Cue scene. She's just run off. After weeks of stony silence making home feel less like a haven and more like a battlefield rife with hidden landmines, she's decided for the moment that the boundaries you placed around her out of love don't really feel like love. Years of being her own boss have taught her that life might not disappoint you as much if you only depend on yourself. Where is the book entitled, "Expect What You're Not Expecting"? And can I preorder the sequel?</div>
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Cue scene. He's sitting at the counter in front of you after having just finished the breakfast you woke up at 5:45 a.m. to be sure you were able to make for him right when he woke up-- because you know there was a season when he had to wonder if there would be anything to eat when he woke up with an empty belly from the night before. He opens his precious little mouth in response to your request that he clear his plate and says, "You're my servant because it's your job to do everything I want." Oh goodness. You have not had enough coffee or quiet time to field this one at 6:12 a.m.</div>
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Whether they're 17 or 7, parenting kids from hard places is...well, <i>hard</i>. Let me be more clear. When you're parenting <i>any</i> children it's hard! When your motive is pure and it's love that drives you, you mistakenly expect that it can easily be interpreted as such by its objects. So when you're parenting children that, by no fault of their own, cannot express to you the approval you're seeking it's time you figured out where your own development has fallen short and remind yourself that MY EMOTIONAL STABILITY DOES NOT DEPEND ON A "THANK YOU" OR "I LOVE YOU"!</div>
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<i>"...Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts." </i></div>
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<i>1 Thessalonians 2:4</i></div>
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Hello. My name is Johanna and I am an approval seeker. While the focus of my need may have shifted from my peers to the ones that call me "mom", it still puts me on the treadmill to nowhere that leaves me empty at the end of the day when I feel I've spent my entire self on loving the ones in my life by way of a sometimes mindless list of tasks that will never win anyone the Nobel Peace Prize or make the front page news. "Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Mom single-handedly makes 6 peanut butter sandwiches, checks the 'Monday folder', empties the dishwasher to reload the dirty dishes from the night before, provides emotional support because sometimes the simple task of brushing teeth is JUST. SO. HARD. and runs the load of towels in the washer one more time to get rid of the moldy smell that developed overnight ALL while still wearing her pajamas and the make-up from the day before! (full color photo on pg. 2, viewer discretion advised)"</div>
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Yeah, not so much.</div>
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So, now what? If I recognize an unhealthy need still lies in wait down in the very center of my being, how do I begin to meet that need in a way that allows me to love others without the promise of that love being returned in the ways I'm conditioned to desire? I don't. There's the truth of it. I've often heard the saying that "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called." Which is true to a point, but He will never equip us past our need for Him. And the crazy thing is, He doesn't do this because He has some insecure need of His own to be "needed" by us...He does this because He knows that the kind of love required in order for us to put another before ourselves is something we on our own will never be capable of. Our very nature daily causes us by default to run through the mantra of, "What's in it for me? How does this affect me? Will this advance my career, my comfort, my agenda, my...fill in the blank." If we are truly to empty ourselves for the benefit of another, it will require something outside ourselves, something other than what comes naturally. Our nature rebels against paying the ultimate price of ourselves.</div>
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In this past month of suddenly growing from a family of 5 to a family of 6 I have grossly missed the mark. While the prayer of my heart reflected the words of the song above... <i>"I've tried to win this war I confess. My hands are weary I need Your rest"</i>... I was still searching for a false sense of filling, a replacing of what I spent by a refilling of the same. I was expecting to be all I needed as I attempted to live out a life I felt God had adequately equipped me for. But if I am all I need, am I not setting myself up in the place of God? He equips me just enough to get me to a place of obedience and then desires that I continue to look to Him in order to be equipped for the next step. Sometimes the very need we're feeling was put there in order to bring us again to that humble place of recognizing that "I am not enough."</div>
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<i>"Yes, he humbled you by letting you go hungry and then feeding you with manna, a food previously unknown to you and your ancestors. He did it to teach you that people do not live by bread alone; rather we live by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord." Deuteronomy 8:3</i></div>
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Yesterday's "manna" is no good for today. It sustained me yesterday and was just what I needed. In faith, today I look for the fresh supply that God has waiting outside my door. Something "previously unknown to me" that He has tailor made for this very moment in this season of my life. It's not pleasant to feel hunger and not be able to fill that ache. While I have never experienced what it truly is to be physically hungry, in recent weeks I have been starved emotionally as I kept looking to myself and to my husband and children to gain the approval I thought I needed to keep me going another day. When all along that very hunger was placed inside of me by a loving father who kept waiting for me to recognize HIM as my sustenance.</div>
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<i>"When You don't move the mountains I'm needing You to move</i></div>
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<i>When You don't part the waters I wish I could walk through</i></div>
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<i>When You don't give the answers as I cry out to You</i></div>
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<i>I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!"</i></div>
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I was asking Him to move mountains, and the ones I wanted moved were not the mountains He had in mind. The mountains I wanted moved were the ones standing in the way of me getting the approval I thought I needed to keep moving forward after an exhausting day. The mountains He actually desires to move are the ones that have settled themselves so deeply in my heart that they obstruct the view of where my true sense of worth comes from. And guess what? It NEVER comes from others, no matter who that "other" might be and what a gift they may be in my life.</div>
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So here's the truth: I still struggle here. Amidst the daily grind I do not always feel secure in who I am and my abilities. So what's the big "T" Truth? The Truth is that I have already been declared worthy by God...</div>
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<i>"But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God's grace that you have been saved!) For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus." Ephesians 2:4-6</i></div>
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<i>"So we keep on praying for you, asking our God to enable you to live a life worthy of his call. May he give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do. Then the name of our Lord Jesus will be honored because of the way you live, and you will be honored along with him. This is all made possible because of the grace of our God and Lord, Jesus Christ." </i></div>
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<i>2 Thessalonians 1:11-12</i></div>
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Based on this big "T" Truth, I can turn away from those false things I run to for approval and look instead to Christ and the approval He's already given me. I <i>can</i> in fact completely spend myself on loving others in the way God directs, even amidst the reality that I may be loving with no earthly return. My emotion does not have to be tied to someone else's response because my security does not lie in them. I can literally empty myself because it is in the emptying of self that I can truly be filled. I can give without the fear of needing to reserve something for myself because what I reserve of self was never meant to be mine...it was given to me to be given to others because I'm connected to a Source with a never ending supply. So, once again (because this is a lesson I don't yet have down) I repent of trusting in my own strength. Even when I've recognized where that strength has come from I can still put too much faith in what's been given rather than the One who gave it.</div>
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<i>"In repentance and rest is your salvation; in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it...You will be left like a lonely flagpole on a hill or a tattered banner on a distant mountaintop. So the Lord must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help...He will be gracious if you ask for help. He will surely respond to the sound of your cries...Right behind you a voice will say, 'This is the way you should go'..." Isaiah 30:15, 17-19, 21</i></div>
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What a great description for where I'd allowed myself to go in recent weeks. I had certainly felt like "a lonely flagpole on a hill or a tattered banner on a distant mountaintop". And no wonder! I already knew where my approval lay, where my true worth was found, where to find my strength...yet stubbornly, I ran ahead trusting in something I could attain rather than listening for that voice...no wonder I would have to hear it from "right behind". I'd passed it by thinking the preparation for yesterday would be enough for today.</div>
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<i>"It is the food the Lord has given you to eat...Each household should gather as much as it needs...everyone had just enough...Each family had just what it needed. Then Moses told them, 'Do not keep any of it until morning.' But some of them didn't listen and kept some of it until morning. But by then it was full of maggots and had a terrible smell...after this the people gathered the food by morning, each family according to its need." Exodus 16:15-16, 18-21</i></div>
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How like the Israelites I can be...hearing the command to only gather what I need for the day, and not worrying about keeping any over for tomorrow. God had promised He would show up again the next day to give them just what they needed. He was humbling them by creating a need only He could fill so that when life didn't go as planned they would know where their strength lay...not in their own ability to provide but in their waiting on the Lord to provide just what they needed at just the right time. In my unbelief I make the mistake of thinking that He isn't in control, that He won't provide. This unbelief then leads to attitudes and behaviors that pull me away from Him and further down the path of unfulfillment as I chase after those things that promise everything and leave me with nothing. So often I hold back part of what He asks me to give of myself, selfishly thinking, "I might need that for tomorrow!" But He provides for the moment just what I need and only asks that I trust Him for tomorrow...to be willing to use all He's given me for today for the purpose He's given it and to trust that when he calls me to love with that always-no-matter-what kind of love, He is fully capable of sustaining me--completely apart from my misguided need to find approval from others as well as my desire to hold back parts of myself because I'm too afraid of the risk. It seems counter-intuitive to empty oneself in order to be filled, yet we are reminded in Matthew 5 during Jesus' Sermon on the Mount that those who are poor in spirit, those who recognize their need for God are blessed. Unless I empty myself each day of all He's already given me, I am not ready to accept all He longs to give me to sustain me for the next day. There's a song by Sidewalk Prophets that illustrates this so beautifully:</div>
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<i>"Make me empty</i></div>
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<i>So I can be filled</i></div>
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<i>'Cause I'm still holding</i></div>
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<i>Onto my will</i></div>
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<i>And I'm completed</i></div>
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<i>When You are with me</i></div>
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<i>Make me empty</i></div>
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<i>Make me lonely</i></div>
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<i>So I can be Yours</i></div>
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<i>"Til I want no one</i></div>
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<i>More than You, Lord</i></div>
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<i>'Cause in the darkness</i></div>
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<i>I know You will hold me</i></div>
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<i>Make me lonely."</i></div>
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<i>"The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning." </i></div>
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<i>Lamentations 3:22-23</i></div>
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Hearing the small voice from the backseat of my car singing the same song that was the whispered prayer of my heart brought to light just how misguided my search for significance and approval had been. How could I lay the burden on him, or anyone else for that matter, to affirm what I was trying to do? He didn't ask for me to be his mom. He didn't ask for any of the things that have happened in his short span of years that brought him to our family. God asked me. And He gave me just what I needed in order to be able to say yes to His ask. Why would He not follow through with each need that arises after?</div>
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<i>"You are my strength and comfort</i></div>
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<i>You are my steady hand</i></div>
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<i>You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand</i></div>
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<i>Your ways are always higher</i></div>
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<i>Your plans are always good</i></div>
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<i>There's not a place where I'll go, You've not already stood</i></div>
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<i>When You don't move the mountains I'm needing you to move</i></div>
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<i>When You don't part the waters I wish I could walk through</i></div>
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<i>When You don't give the answers as I cry out to You</i></div>
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<i>I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!"</i></div>
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<i>Trust In You~Lauren Daigle</i></div>
Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-37524701534322570472015-12-04T06:27:00.000-08:002018-10-10T09:15:07.552-07:00The Wait and The Works<div style="text-align: center;">
"Yet I am confident I will see the Lord's goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord."</div>
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Psalm 27:13-14</div>
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THE WAIT.</div>
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It's been two Thanksgivings, very soon will be two Christmases, and one missed birthday since first seeing her face. Since hearing her story and picturing her as ours. A different kind of waiting than the kind that comes after a first ultrasound glimpse of the one your heart will embrace long before they'll ever reach your arms. But you still embrace. As you lay your head on the pillow at night, just a staircase away from where you hope she'll one day sleep, you wonder where she lays her head now and what dreams join her there. Does she dream of a family as we dream of her joining ours? There is no guarantee in this wait...at least not the kind that means we can count on bringing her home to that bedroom just up the stairs. The phone call yesterday was a reminder of that. There are decisions being made this week, entirely out of our control, that will determine whether our arms will ever hold the one our hearts already do.</div>
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<i>So what is with the waiting?</i></div>
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With Christmas around the corner, and the Advent season upon us, I've been reminded of another kind of waiting. The definition of advent is "the coming or arrival of something or someone that is important or worthy of note." Those who celebrate or recognize this season of Advent do so because it is a time of expectant waiting and preparation for the celebration of Christ's birth. While we can predict the end of our "waiting" by looking for December 25th on our calendar, such was not the case for those who anxiously awaited the promised one who would "release the captives, cause the blind to see and set the oppressed free." (Isaiah 61:1)</div>
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<i>400 years is a long time to wait...a long time to wonder whether God has forgotten...</i></div>
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400 years of silence passed between the Old Testament promises & phophecies and the birth of Christ. Centuries during which God's people waited, longing for their rescue, for what was promised. They lived in the land of promise, but lived a life of slavery as a result of time and again turning their backs on God and refusing to recognize Him as their provider and deliverer. Faltering when they demanded what they wanted, when they wanted it, in the time they deemed best-rather than the <i>right</i> time. A pattern that began not long after they started their journey as freed slaves from Egypt.</div>
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"But the people grew impatient with the long journey, and they began to speak against God and Moses. 'Why have you brought us out of Egypt to die here in this wilderness?' they complained. 'There is nothing to eat here and nothing to drink. And we hate this horrible manna!'"</div>
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Numbers 21:4-5</div>
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They despised and ignored what had been provided for them as gifts from His hands...to <i>sustain</i> them in the waiting. The seemingly endless waiting was not something they had counted on or envisioned, so they doubted whether God Himself could be counted on. Longing for what was not yet fully in view, they made new plans and settled many times for something far less.</div>
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"But you are a God of forgiveness, gracious and merciful, slow to become angry, and rich in unfailing love. You did not abandon them...in your great mercy you did not abandon them to die in the wilderness. The pillar of cloud still led them forward by day, and the pillar of fire showed them the way through the night. You sent your good Spirit to instruct them, and you did not stop giving them manna from heaven or water for their thirst. For forty years you sustained them in the wilderness, and they <i>lacked nothing</i>. Their clothes did not wear out, and their feet did not swell!"</div>
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Nehemiah 9:17, 19-21</div>
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The rest of this chapter in Nehemiah narrates the back and forth of a people who became comfortable and arrogant in the blessings provided them by a loving God. Who turned their backs on Him when the living was easy in the land He'd led them to, only to cry out in desperation for His rescue again in their time of trouble that always came after their rebellion.</div>
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"But in your <i>great mercy</i>, you did not destroy them completely or abandon them forever. What a gracious and merciful God you are!" Nehemiah 9:31</div>
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<i>The angels start their whispering</i></div>
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<i>About the One they're welcoming</i></div>
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<i>No one knows what's soon to be</i></div>
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<i>Angels start their whispering</i></div>
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<i>They sing glory</i></div>
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<i>In the highest</i></div>
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<i>Come now our King</i></div>
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<i>We've been</i></div>
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<i>Waiting</i></div>
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<i>Come now our King."</i></div>
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<i>(Come Now Our King~Chris August)</i></div>
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"But <i>when the right time came</i>, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children." Galatians 4:4-5</div>
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Christmas is a reminder that God makes good on His promises. God will fulfill His long appointed plans for us. He is always working for His glory and our good. Even in the silence of waiting. Nothing is wasted in the waiting.</div>
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<img src="http://eggofnihilism.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/nativity-christmas-ornaments-zc9eallv.jpg" /></div>
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"God's way is perfect. All the Lord's promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection. For who is God except the Lord? Who but our God is a solid rock? God arms me with strength, and he makes my way perfect." Psalm 18:30-32</div>
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<i>So how do we wait?</i></div>
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THE WORKS.</div>
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"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10</div>
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I may not fully understand in this moment of waiting what it is that God has prepared in advance for our family to do. I may not know what the working out of the desires He's placed in our hearts will ultimately look like. Though it's my hope, it may not involve being able to run up a stairway to calm the fears that may come in the night to a girl we long to bring home.</div>
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So what do I do with that? How do I wait well in the silence?</div>
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I will choose to place my faith in His promises during the wait. His promises can be trusted even if what we envisioned doesn't come to pass.</div>
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"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun. Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act." Psalm 37:4-7</div>
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I can trust the desires of my heart when they line up with His own.</div>
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"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." James 1:27</div>
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What I can't trust is how my humanness attempts to come up with what those desires should look like in the here and now and in the timing I'd prefer.</div>
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"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." Proverbs 16:9</div>
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I trust His promise that there are things He's prepared in advance for me to do...even when they are not fully in view. I trust that He cares for me. I trust that He cares for the one that I long to be a mom to. </div>
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<i>Please, God. Let me be her mom?</i></div>
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The truth is, apart from Him, I could never be what she needs. There is nothing in my own resources, strength or abilities that could ever meet her needs like that of her Heavenly Father.</div>
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"...in you alone do the orphans find mercy." Hosea 14:3</div>
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I can't share her name here, but I can share the meaning of her name that has become so special to me in this period of waiting. The name her birth mom gave her means "holy oil". In Scripture, oil is recognized as a symbol of the presence and power of the Holy Spirit.</div>
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"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for he has annointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the Lord's favor has come." Luke 4:18</div>
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This very verse is the New Testament fulfillment of the Old Testament prophecy in Isaiah 61:1 that those who had rebelled themselves into a life of slavery clung to as they returned to the Lord and waited for hundreds of years through His silence for Him to make good on His promise. I trust that He has a plan for her future...even if that plan doesn't include her being here with us. The reality is, we are already a part of that plan, even if she never knows who we are. Her face, her name and her story have inserted themselves deep into our hearts and though she may never know it, we and others have been praying for her by name for quite some time now. Though we wait in the silence, our requests on her behalf are being heard.</div>
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"There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off." Proverbs 23:18</div>
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"Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we afirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise." Hebrews 10:23</div>
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"This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God's inner sanctuary." Hebrews 6:19</div>
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"...in quietness and trust is your strength...the Lord longs to be gracious to you, he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!"</div>
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Isaiah 30:15, 18</div>
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I am most deceived when I interpret the waiting to mean that God is not good. It is in fact His goodness that sometimes brings us to periods of waiting. In our waiting we learn that He is all that matters. That His silence does not mean He is not near and at work. If 400 years of silence culminated in the birth of Christ and His eventual death and resurrection, our only means of redemption and adoption as his children, can I not wait for one hour...one day...one year...one decade...watching for that same Savior to show up in a miraculous way as we walk this journey of adoption today? To shatter my perceptioms of what "should be" and open my eyes to what is? My biggest fear is not that what I want will not come to be. It is that I might get distracted by what I want and miss what He's already prepared in advance. I do not want to merely exist in the land of promise, enslaved by my selfish desires, and miss out on the blessing of His provision and presence.</div>
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If He chooses to close this door, I will watch in hope for the Lord to shine a light on the path He's already laid.</div>
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"But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me...though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light." Micah 7:7-8</div>
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"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." Proverbs 3:5-6</div>
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"You light a lamp for me. The Lord, my God, lights up my darkness." Psalm 18:19</div>
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"The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength." Isaiah 58:11</div>
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"It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." Lamentations 3:26</div>
Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-59301432290388536052015-08-30T14:14:00.000-07:002015-08-30T14:14:15.605-07:00So long, Safe!<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"Safe? said Mr. Beaver; "don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King I tell you."</i></div>
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<em>~C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe</em></div>
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<em>"For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting, and His faithfulness to all generations."</em></div>
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<em>Psalm 100:5</em></div>
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Most of us could say we are creatures of comfort by nature. If it contributes to our physical ease and well-being, we are the first in line. We find safety in what can be carefully thought out and planned, when risks can be managed and collateral damage can be minimized or not exist all together... Maybe I'm fooling myself when I refer to "most of us" as being this way. Quite honestly, if you took a look at my nuclear family, I am what my spunky grandmother probably would have referred to as a "fuddy-duddy". I'm not sure what that means or even if it's a real word, but I'm pretty sure I am one. On the other hand, my husband, Matt <em>actually </em>told me once while careening down a ski slope that if there's no potential of fatality or dismemberment, what you're doing can't <em>really</em> be classified as having fun. (My descent was more of a cart-wheeling than careening after being talked into the black diamond...in Colorado, people.) My daughter, Hannah would like to go skydiving for her 18th birthday because I can no longer legally forbid it at that point, and my son, Sam thinks it's "safe" to dive headfirst into a pool as long as there's an adult present to dial 911 if he doesn't resurface. This is what I have to compete with, folks. <br />
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<strong>Below is the story of how God taught me that "safe" is not always "good", and that comfort is not what He calls me to.</strong> <br />
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I'll never forget that text. I remember where I was and what I was doing. Something about it made me pause and take the time to grasp that it wasn't just a friend making a request, it was God asking our family to step outside our comfort zone and to be open to changing our lives forever.</div>
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A week later we met the girl who would move into our home within a month and into our hearts forever. Our biggest mistake was thinking we were doing this for her. God did this for her. He did this for us. And in the midst of it all, He grew our family in ways we might never have known we needed. I hope one day Tatyana will share her story here. For now, I'll share mine...<br />
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The last two years have been a lesson in letting go of comfort and predictability and instead embracing the uncomfortable, the at times awkward, even painful, and DEFINITELY the unpredictable. Of greater importance though, these years have been a divine invitation to step outside what was safe, for what was good.</div>
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<i>"When did we start believing God wants to send us to safe places to do easy things? That playing it safe is safe? That radical is anything but normal? Jesus didn't die to keep us safe. He died to make us dangerous. Faithfulness is not holding the fort. It's storming the gates of hell. The will of God is not an insurance plan. It's a daring plan. And the complete surrender of your life to the cause of Christ isn't radical. It's normal. It's time to quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death." ~Mark Batterson, All In</i></div>
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I am ALL ABOUT the comfort. All. About. It. The stillness of the house as I sit alone in my favorite chair with my coffee and watch the world wake up outside my window could probably be classified as one of my favorite moments of each day. Also of note: I am a FAN of preparedness, quite possibly it's most faithful supporter. I will not even proceed to the speaker at a drive-thru before all orders for those in the car are received and meticulously cataloged into my brain so I can reiterate them seamlessly to the faceless voice coming through the box. (You're welcome.) If my level of preparedness for going through the drive-thru at a fast food restaurant has such lofty standards, just imagine the amount of control and preparation I prefer to employ in situations of even greater consequence! My comfort level in most situations (Okay, ALL situations.) is directly proportional to the amount of control I can exert over my surroundings and circumstances.</div>
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For anyone who's ever had a house guest, especially one who walks through your door as a relative stranger, you know that comfort may not be the first word that describes your family's actions and interactions in those initial moments and days. The perfect marriage, the perfect children, the perfect dog, the perfect meals--can all exist for a time, propped up as a facade against the real life backdrop of imperfections, disagreements, frustrations and meals from the frozen aisle at Walmart. (Because it's soccer season and <i>who</i> has <i>time</i> to be Betty Crocker?? Am I right?!) In order to maintain our sanity and to not slip into some robotic conformist, Stepford version of ourselves, and because we knew God was calling us all to something deeper, we knew Tatyana could not just be our long-term guest, she had to be part of our family. If you asked, our kids would probably tell you that there are some benefits to being part of our family, but they'd also tell you there are plenty of boundaries.</div>
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So here's the thing about parenting a daughter who comes to you at 16... I had no idea how to respond to someone who would tell me, in no uncertain terms, that she did <i>what</i> she wanted, <i>when</i> she wanted. Up till this point, I'd somehow been able to fool myself into believing that I had some modicum of control over the children I'd raised from birth. The idea that they "belonged" to me simply because we were legally bound together by a piece of paper and a set of genes gave me the false notion that I was somehow in control. How was I to be a mom to someone who could walk out the door at any point she decided she'd had enough of us? And still be safe. That sounded like a dangerous kind of love. A risky kind of love. Would God really ask me to give my whole self to her as a mom, even if she never responded as a daughter? Never recognized or valued the love behind the boundaries and structure? He would.</div>
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So here's the thing about parenting... No child who enters our sphere of influence ever truly belongs to us. Nor do the relationships we form with them exist merely for our fulfillment. Each is a gift, for a blink-of-an-eye moment in time, that God has entrusted to our care. There are no givens. There are no guarantees. Just the directive to love them and lead them in such a way as to point them to a Heavenly Father. Who just happened to give His whole self to them in the form of His Son, Jesus Christ. Offering up His life even to those who may never respond as a son or a daughter. When we choose to step outside of what's comfortable, what's safe--to value the relationships we're given as God honoring opportunities to give up the blindness called self in order to truly see another--we reflect (though imperfectly!) God's own redemptive love for us.</div>
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Who could honestly raise their hand and excitedly shout, "Oooh! Pick me! Pick me!", when asked to leave their comfort zone? You certainly wouldn't find me bouncing out of my chair. It's so much easier to depend on myself, to control the controllable and to avoid the things that require something outside myself. The things that could wreck me. If an unrefined metal had a physical being to feel pain, or a soul to ache at a loss, it would not easily choose the refining fire that would burn away the impurities, leaving behind the precious metal of true worth. It's the same with me. I can't envision the perfection God is drawing me to. I just see what I know, what I can predict. But when I only surround myself with what's comfortable, I forfeit the heights to which God longs to bring me. No growth happens where I'm comfortable. Comfort doesn't provide the friction necessary to smooth the rough edges most prone to trip me up. Comfort allows the growth of pride that so often tempts me to think that somehow I'm doing all right on my own. The past two years have taught me to be brave enough to at least slip my hand up in hesitant surrender to the One who gave His all for me. </div>
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Here's the best part. When I've given up control. When I've made myself available. When I've said "yes" to His ask. I'm no longer responsible for the outcome. It doesn't depend on me. It depends on Him. The only thing He really asked of me was my obedience and the willingness to trust that He is good, even when the things He calls us to aren't safe. The hardest parts of the past two years have come when I mistakenly thought it was up to me. If I said the right thing, did the right thing, read the right thing... Only God is in the business of changing hearts. We are to be about the business of loving in the midst of the muck, the mess and the madness. To empty ourselves in the loving, knowing He is faithful to fill. <i>"Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13:7</i></div>
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<i>"Humbly let go. Let go of trying to do, let go of trying to control, let go of my own way, let go of my own fears. Let God blow His wind, His trials, oxygen for joy's fire. Leave the hand open and be. Be at peace. Bend the knee and be small and let God give what God chooses to give because He only gives love and whisper a surprised thanks. This is the fuel for joy's flame. Fullness of joy is discovered only in the emptying of will. And I can empty. I can empty because <b>counting His graces</b> has awakened me to how He cherishes me, holds me, passionately values me. I can empty because I am full of His love. I can trust." ~Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts</i></div>
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1. I've been reminded of what a great partner my husband is. He is everything that I am not in all the good ways. Without him I am only half the equation. I consider our relationship a place of refuge and refueling when we've spent ourselves on the things that matter to God. I more highly value the "just us" times having been given a deeper understanding of how it makes for a better "them".</div>
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2. I've gotten to watch as Hannah & Sam have given themselves completely to loving Tatyana as a sister. Never once reserving a part of themselves. Never once complaining of getting "less" of us. Not simply enduring, but <i>enjoying</i> her as part of our family. They've learned that a house is just a house, but a HOME is what we share with others because it's true value comes in it's sharing.</div>
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3. Trials. Yep. Trials. I love Ann Voskamp's quote above and how she refers to trials as the "oxygen for joy's fire". There have been tears-the kind that wrack your body with sobs you can't control. There have been late nights, sleepless nights, looong nights. There have been loud arguments, there has been silence-the kind you tiptoe around because something might break if you don't. We've been stretched. She's been stretched. She ran away. I ran away. BUT. That was all the set-up for the joy to come. And not just any old run-of-the-mill joy. The <i>fire</i> of joy. It's all consuming, it brings tears to your eyes, spilling over because you just can't contain it when you see the goodness of the Lord. And speaking of...</div>
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4. God allowed me the opportunity to have a front row seat in order to witness the softening of what was once hardened. From the day we met her, Tatyana has always been this larger than life, center of the action, inquisitive, spirited and dynamic girl. Those are things easily evident to anyone who's spent even a few minutes with her. Beyond all that there was a wealth of beauty we'd sometimes catch glimpses of, just waiting to be let loose from deep within a heart that had over the years built a fortress around itself in order to survive. Only God could have breached those walls. And when He did, it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. There is a beauty that goes way beyond skin deep that shines in her eyes now.</div>
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<i>"I prayed to the Lord, and He answered me; He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces." Psalm 34:4-5</i></div>
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5. My faith has been strengthened as I've watched His faithfulness to another as a result of obedience. He did not call me to something I could do. He called me to something He could do.</div>
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6. Our family has expanded to include another. Something we'd have never experienced were it not for God weaving our lives together in a way only He could do. Our lives are richer today because we can share each other's joys and burdens.</div>
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7. We are more prepared today than we were two years ago for whatever is next. I know this, I trust this because God does not waste a single opportunity. Those things that pass through His hand to touch our lives are sent by a loving Father who sees what we do not, who understands what we cannot and who knows what we need before we may even recognize our neediness. We may not know what's next. We may not know what it requires. But we do know that when God is in the growing business, He's not growing us and stretching us to plop us back in our comfy chair. </div>
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So long, Safe!</div>
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<i>Holiness, not safety is the end of our calling." ~Lilias Trotter</i></div>
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Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-79885839237913495362015-07-04T06:01:00.000-07:002015-07-04T06:01:08.853-07:00Happy Birthday, America! Well, sort of anyway...I guess it all depends on whether you consider the birth of our nation to have occurred in 1765 upon the start of the American Revolution, when the American colonists rejected the authority of the British Parliament to tax them... Or in 1775 at the start of the American Revolutionary War... Orrrr in 1783 at the war's end with the signing of the peace treaty confirming the new nation's complete separation from the British Empire. <br />
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<a data-ved="0CAcQjRw" href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CAcQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thelibertybeacon.com%2F2015%2F05%2F31%2F72-people-killed-resisting-gun-confiscation-in-massachussetts%2F&ei=1seXVbSdHoKQ-QHW15WICQ&bvm=bv.96952980,d.cWw&psig=AFQjCNEhEMvQioH8OBlSc5arTwzsM6YydA&ust=1436096795026132" id="irc_mil" jsaction="mousedown:irc.rl;keydown:irc.rlk;irc.il;" style="border-image: none; border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="212" id="irc_mi" src="http://www.thelibertybeacon.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/3D-Colonial-Flag.jpg" style="margin-top: 0px;" width="320" /></a></div>
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July 4, 1776 is actually a date tucked amidst all that upheaval and unrest on which the Declaration of Independence was signed by the Continental Congress declaring that the colonies were free and independent states. So, I guess the argument could be, were we born as a nation when we <i>declared</i> we were? Or when we <i>actually</i> were? I digress...I may be losing some of you here.<br />
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<i>Since when do you write a blog about history, Johanna? Let's leave that to the professionals.</i></div>
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Anyway, that's not really the point I'm getting at here. For the sake of argument (or non-argument?), let's just say today is our nation's birthday. The birth of our freedom as a people from what once ruled over us. The commencement of our staking a claim on our unalienable Rights to Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. I was pondering on this today...In the Declaration of Independence these Rights are stated to have been endowed to us by our Creator. This begs the assumption that we just possess these things by nature of them being given. Yet, so much of what consumes our nation's attentions and efforts in recent weeks, months and years reflects more of a grasping for what's fleeting, what's just out of reach. <br />
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Life...I mean, that's fairly simple. We have it. Well, until we don't. Liberty...mostly simple. We have freedom...but in most cases, only so far as that freedom doesn't encroach upon another's freedom. Now. The pursuit of Happiness. That sounds nice. But fleeting, so temporary. The idea of having to pursue it, to chase after it, to possibly never catch it. To not just have been "endowed" with Happiness, only the pursuit of it, lends one to suppose that the Happiness referred to cannot simply be endowed. <br />
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One has to find it?.. Make it?.. Take it?.. </div>
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Or maybe those who drafted this Declaration knew it's fatal flaw. Life for one could be the death of another. One man's freedom could be another's chains. One woman's oppression could be another's security. Ultimately, what brings happiness to one could cast a shadow of sorrow on another. So they settled on the Right to pursue it, not the promise of attaining it. I'm no historian. Just a thinker of thoughts.<br />
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Don't misread my intent, I love my Country tis of Thee, Sweet Land of Liberty. But I am flawed. Our forefathers were flawed. Their Declaration was flawed. Our systems are flawed. We are flawed. So we pursue, but don't procure. We grasp, but never gain. All we can mirror here is but a mere, muddied reflection of what our citizenship elsewhere could be. <br />
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<span class="woj"><i>"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:36</i></span></div>
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When He <i>declares </i>us free, we are <i>actually</i> free.<br />
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<i>"For <sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-ESV-29147A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29147A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup>freedom Christ has <sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-ESV-29147B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29147B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup>set us free; <sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-ESV-29147C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29147C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup>stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to <sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-ESV-29147D" data-link="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29147D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)"></sup>a yoke of <sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-ESV-29147E" data-link="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29147E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)"></sup>slavery." Galatians 5:1</i></div>
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Which leads me here: One Man's chains <i>actually</i> meant my freedom. Not just a freedom in which mine only reaches as far as yours begins. But true freedom, one that <i>endows </i>me with eternal Life, Liberates me from being enslaved by my sinful desires, and sets in me a deep, abiding Joy that defies situation and circumstance and makes the pursuit of Happiness pale in comparison. It's in the security of this freedom that I can choose, if necessary, to lay aside my unalienable Rights as a citizen of this world in order to experience a freedom this nation can only declare, never deliver. <br />
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<i><span class="text 1Cor-10-23">“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial.<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28591AH" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28591AH" title="See cross-reference AH">AH</a>)"></sup> “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive.</span> </i><span class="text 1Cor-10-24" id="en-NIV-28592"><i><sup class="versenum"> </sup>No one should seek their own good, but the good of others. 1 Corinthians 10:23</i><sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28592AI" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28592AI" title="See cross-reference AI">AI</a>)"></sup></span></div>
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<span class="text 1Cor-10-24"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span class="text 1Cor-10-24"><i><span class="text 2Cor-3-16" id="en-ESV-28841">"But when <sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-ESV-28841A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28841A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup>one<span style="font-size: 13.3333330154419px;"> </span>turns to the Lord, <sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-ESV-28841B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28841B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup>the veil is removed.</span> <span style="font-size: 13.3333330154419px;"> </span><span class="text 2Cor-3-17" id="en-ESV-28842">Now the Lord<span style="font-size: 13.3333330154419px;"> </span>is the Spirit, and where <sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-ESV-28842C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28842C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup>the Spirit of the Lord is, there is <sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-ESV-28842D" data-link="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28842D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)"></sup>freedom. </span><span class="text 2Cor-3-18" id="en-ESV-28843">And we all, with unveiled face, <sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-ESV-28843E" data-link="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28843E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)"></sup>beholding <sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-ESV-28843F" data-link="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28843F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)"></sup>the glory of the Lord, <sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-ESV-28843G" data-link="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28843G" title="See cross-reference G">G</a>)"></sup>are being transformed into the same image <sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-ESV-28843H" data-link="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28843H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)"></sup>from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:16-18</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="text 1Cor-10-24"><i><span class="text 2Cor-3-18"><br /></span></i></span></div>
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<span class="text 1Cor-10-24"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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May I be more concerned with my response to the One who purchased my ultimate freedom than grasping for the rights and freedoms of this age that I'd gladly lay down in exchange for what was bought with a price no one else could ever pay.</div>
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<i><span class="text Rom-12-1">"Therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, I urge you<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28246A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28246A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup> to present your bodies as a living sacrifice,<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28246B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28246B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup> holy and pleasing to God; this is your spiritual worship.<span style="font-size: 13.3333330154419px;"> </span></span><span class="text Rom-12-2" id="en-HCSB-28247">Do not be conformed<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28247C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28247C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup> to this age,<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28247D" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28247D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)"></sup> but be transformed by the renewing of your mind,<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28247E" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28247E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)"></sup> so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28247F" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28247F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)"></sup> of God. </span>For by the grace<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28248G" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28248G" title="See cross-reference G">G</a>)"></sup> given to me, I tell everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he should think.<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28248H" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28248H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)"></sup> Instead, think sensibly, as God has distributed a measure of faith<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28248I" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28248I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)"></sup> to each one." Romans 12:1-3</i></div>
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Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-63832880600582124022014-05-07T10:53:00.000-07:002015-08-12T19:38:25.288-07:00Uncomfortable Grace<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The last straw probably had to have been the lightning that struck the imposing giant of metal scaffolding that had obscured the front of our house, casting a dark shadow into our torn up dining room for 6 long weeks... <br />
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDjGiQBUAwmhcGN4taICynI1-MMP9Z-9109LmAWqnGw-r8eyCknQssFHiHcHwIBwrB4zsEZRZEuXMn96hjZ-wAb7-f8L_453vZuhdcDazL3wpdih5EjPywI7liM4X23FIsJlAh3eAY6vLx/s1600/IMG_2965.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDjGiQBUAwmhcGN4taICynI1-MMP9Z-9109LmAWqnGw-r8eyCknQssFHiHcHwIBwrB4zsEZRZEuXMn96hjZ-wAb7-f8L_453vZuhdcDazL3wpdih5EjPywI7liM4X23FIsJlAh3eAY6vLx/s1600/IMG_2965.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Check out that curbside appeal! ;)</td></tr>
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It had been 3 years, almost to the day, since moving into our beautiful, new home. While we had built a house before and understood the unforeseen issues that can arise after moving in, nothing had prepared us for the ensuing months and years following our move into our house in Virginia. What began as seemingly just a small leak, stretched on into the span of 3 full years of our house being in a constant state of repair and construction. If you know me, you immediately also know that this presents a major problem for me. When it comes to keeping my house in order and free of clutter, I jokingly refer to myself as having CDO tendencies. Generally, the same as having OCD when it comes to needing a certain sense of order in my surroundings, but I just prefer to have the letters in alphabetical order.<br />
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I might have survived, unscathed, the first flooding of our fully finished basement had it not been for the second flooding of our basement. And I might have survived, maintaining a certain modicum of grace, one rebuilding of the entire front wall of our house had it not been for the 2nd...and 3rd thru 8th rebuilding of the same wall. In hindsight, both issues pointed to a relatively simple fix involving proper drainage from our gutters and adequate flashing for a small section of our roof where it met the wall. However, without the proper attention from someone who understands these kinds of things, relatively simple things can turn into major issues. Let's just say that when we moved in, our builder moved on. (Maybe I do still maintain a certain modicum of grace.) ;)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge3Jp_wRVkgxhOT7oooWiungUWGBG899-rbJjZN9mouPiT7yA1XMJoWuOPxtDKegBuk8gHUKP_-SrGY1SrIywsq-4LAfj_O7J8JKM6sY7ZzsUQEiHeFbCMyzDIzbcGq30zdguslKyCB_gd/s1600/IMG_1496.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge3Jp_wRVkgxhOT7oooWiungUWGBG899-rbJjZN9mouPiT7yA1XMJoWuOPxtDKegBuk8gHUKP_-SrGY1SrIywsq-4LAfj_O7J8JKM6sY7ZzsUQEiHeFbCMyzDIzbcGq30zdguslKyCB_gd/s1600/IMG_1496.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Talk about open air living...this was the night we spent w/ nothing but a sheet of plastic between us & the coyotes, snakes & whatever/whoever else. I told myself we were camping.</td></tr>
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The drama that unfolded around us as our house seemed to rue the day we ever moved in, was only eclipsed by the drama that unfolded from my own heart. Please, all of you who read my words, offer my husband your deepest sympathies for experiencing the latter of his "for better or worse" promise for most of our 3-year house saga.<br />
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My need for order comes from an unhealthy tendency to think that if I can control the inanimate things around me, it will help bring order and control to that which I cannot control, whether it be situations or people. When my perceived ability to control my surroundings by keeping order in my home was taken away, there were some ugly tendencies revealed in my character. Worse, it became apparent that I was foolishly placing my trust in and gaining security, albeit a false sense of security, from a source that would never prove trustworthy.<br />
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It was late at night on a long drive that it became abundantly clear to me that my focus was all wrong. A song entitled "Blessings" by Laura Story, that I'd probably heard a few dozen times, was playing on the radio and I was caught off guard by the immediate perspective the simple lyrics gave me:<br />
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<i>We pray for blessings, we pray for peace<br />
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep<br />
We pray for healing, for prosperity<br />
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering<br />
And all the while, You hear each spoken need<br />
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things</i></div>
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<i> </i> </div>
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<i>We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear<br />
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near<br />
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love<br />
As if every promise from Your word is not enough<br />
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea<br />
And long that we'd have faith to believe</i></div>
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<i> 'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops<br />
What if Your healing comes through tears<br />
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near<br />
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise</i></div>
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I had been asking God to send someone to fix our house, just PLEASE! Once and for all, fix our house! Complaining to Him, and anyone else who would listen, about all the things we were having to deal with as a result of the carelessness and lack of concern of someone else. All the while ignoring His gentle whisper of, <i>"It's YOU I want to fix."</i> When all was said and done, the house was the easy fix. The ugliness of the areas needing refining in me had been proving more difficult.<br />
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Each time it rained I would run to the areas of the house we were having trouble with, desperate to see exactly where the problem was originating from and hoping to alleviate any further damage that would undoubtedly come from the rain. I found myself in the most precarious of positions, perched atop the "do not stand or sit" rung of a ladder that was never tall enough to see what I needed to see. Balanced on the tippy-toes of one foot while the rest of my body clung to our roof line, one arm outstretched with my phone trying to get pictures and video of exactly what was happening...all during a wind and rain storm. The scaffolding that sat outside our house for weeks on end at a time became my jungle gym as I would carelessly scale up and down it, trying to understand what I couldn't see. Rain woke me up at night and I couldn't sleep until it stopped. If I was away from our house and a substantial rain storm came through, I needed to rush home to make sure nothing was leaking. I hated the rain. I cursed the rain. I certainly wasn't thankful for it. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghxSoMFOd0qXnqDZEHFvM33WukX_UUyLAN6WpSZTMWdOIK_7Ffme25HfkWWApXyhXBSkyN4yx8829marxq5YnEswtqeOObQGpMUvpajc8rcWzNmaAJctY0sTRHDM-z7VdaCMqWP428I2zn/s1600/IMG_2754.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghxSoMFOd0qXnqDZEHFvM33WukX_UUyLAN6WpSZTMWdOIK_7Ffme25HfkWWApXyhXBSkyN4yx8829marxq5YnEswtqeOObQGpMUvpajc8rcWzNmaAJctY0sTRHDM-z7VdaCMqWP428I2zn/s1600/IMG_2754.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Who needs a water-tight wall when a towel will suffice?!</td></tr>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA4fFt6pTgpNIPfr0ECFGZT18PX6RD1uQ_QIizJX3JV4B1bmGWlA-D-noy_uyUIF6OesD6bOJr3kbvtzf0KVsrOrwlWaG2w-IEKgSMDOUPOIr5hZSkH3JYtmOgvHrOtx9CUZXWD7OXbtUO/s1600/IMG_2980.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA4fFt6pTgpNIPfr0ECFGZT18PX6RD1uQ_QIizJX3JV4B1bmGWlA-D-noy_uyUIF6OesD6bOJr3kbvtzf0KVsrOrwlWaG2w-IEKgSMDOUPOIr5hZSkH3JYtmOgvHrOtx9CUZXWD7OXbtUO/s1600/IMG_2980.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption">Who <i style="font-size: 13px;">wouldn't</i> pay for these views!<br />
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It's funny what a simple change in perspective can do for our sanity. God knew I was allowing myself to trust in a false sense of security that would never bring me to a place of complete peace despite my circumstance. Having my house in order was of least importance when it came to making it a home for my family and a place of refuge or warmth for anyone else who might enter. God was trying to loosen my grip on what was of least importance in order to allow me to cling to what was of greatest importance. He needed to get my attention in the area of where I was finding my security. He knew my security in "things" and having them in order would never help me weather the storms in life that would undoubtedly arise.<br />
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The spirit of grumbling that had become a dark cloud over my life dissipated as an attitude of gratefulness took it's place. It had been tempting for me to view our difficulties as a possible lack of faithfulness on God's part, rather than a sign of His love for me. I don't know what the future holds for our family. God does. He also knows that placing my security in anything other than Himself will not serve me well in any situation. He loves me enough to address my foolishness amidst times of little consequence, like a leaky house, in order to prepare me to better weather times of greater consequence when they come. These moments of difficulty were exactly where God wanted me to be. Not because He was toying with me or had any ill-intent...but quite the opposite. Only He knows the extent to which I can be focused on what I think is important rather than the big picture of what truly is important. In His love for me, He allows me to go through difficulty in order to fully develop the character in me that He knows I'll need to fulfill any calling He places on my life.<br />
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On the same late-night trip that I finally allowed the meaning in the words of the Laura Story song to take root, I also heard a sermon on the radio given by pastor, author and speaker, Paul David Tripp. His timely words gave me a glimpse of what God had been giving me all along. <i>"Between the already and the not yet, God will take you where you haven't intended to go in order to produce in you what you could not achieve on your own. It's called uncomfortable grace."</i><br />
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Given the choice, I would rather ask for the kind of grace that will magically pluck me out of any difficulty and somehow manage to mold me into the woman God intends for me to be, than this sort of "uncomfortable" grace that demands personal refinement. How short-sighted of me to think that this sort of refining could come without difficulty. When precious metals are refined, they are done so through fire. It is the fire itself that removes the impurities that if left alone would devalue the precious metal. So it is with us. If we allow God to use our difficulties for His purpose, He can produce in us such a thing of value and beauty that we could never achieve on our own while trying to stick to things that we embrace as familiar, comfortable and safe. He loves us too much to allow us to settle for a lesser version of our God-designed intended selves.<br />
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<i><span class="text 1Pet-1-6" id="en-NLT-30341">"So be truly glad.<sup> </sup>There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while.</span> <span class="text 1Pet-1-7" id="en-NLT-30342"><sup></sup>These
trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire
tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than
mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it
will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus
Christ is revealed to the whole world.</span><span class="text 1Pet-1-8" id="en-NLT-30343"><sup> </sup>You
love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him
now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy.</span> </i><span class="text 1Pet-1-9" id="en-NLT-30344"><i><sup></sup>The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1:6-8</i></span></div>
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<span class="text 1Pet-1-9" id="en-NLT-30344"><i> </i></span><span class="text 1Pet-1-9" id="en-NLT-30344"><i><span class="text Jas-1-2">"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,<sup> </sup>whenever you face trials of many kinds,</span><sup> </sup><span class="text Jas-1-3" id="en-NIV-30270">because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.</span> <span class="text Jas-1-4" id="en-NIV-30271"><sup></sup>Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="text 1Pet-1-9" id="en-NLT-30344"><span class="text Jas-1-4" id="en-NIV-30271">If I am going to experience trials, troubles and heartaches as a fact of this fallen life, why <i>not </i>allow the Creator of the universe, the One who sees the end from the beginning, to lovingly assign purpose and worth to those things in order to better equip me for what may come tomorrow? Not all of the tough and sometimes heart-wrenching things that come my way are directly <i>from</i> His hand, some are a result of my own or others choices. But when those difficult things are placed <i>IN </i>His hands, not a single one is wasted or without a redeeming purpose.</span></span></div>
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<span class="text 1Pet-1-9" id="en-NLT-30344"><i><span class="text Jas-1-4" id="en-NIV-30271"><span class="text 2Cor-4-16" id="en-NIV-28876">"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.</span> <span class="text 2Cor-4-17" id="en-NIV-28877">For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.</span> <span class="text 2Cor-4-18" id="en-NIV-28878">So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18</span></span><span class="text Jas-1-4" id="en-NIV-30271"> </span></i></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">When life gives you lemons...let the kids pretend it's a playground. (Kids, don't try this at home.) ;)</td></tr>
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<span class="text 1Pet-1-9" id="en-NLT-30344"><span class="text Jas-1-4" id="en-NIV-30271">Too quickly I forget that God's priority is not to change my circumstances so that I can be happy. Instead, He desires to change me <i>through</i> my circumstances so that I can be holy. Becoming more like Him produces in me not just happiness that can come and go depending on what's happening, but an unspeakable joy that is unshaken by mere circumstance. I want what's easy. God wants what's best. </span></span></div>
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<span class="text 1Pet-1-9" id="en-NLT-30344"><span class="text Jas-1-4" id="en-NIV-30271">In his book, "Broken-Down House", (ironic?...maybe, ha!) Paul David Tripp states, </span></span><span class="text 1Pet-1-9" id="en-NLT-30344"><i><span class="text Jas-1-4" id="en-NIV-30271">“The fact that you live in a broken-down house in the midst of
restoration makes everything more difficult. It removes the ease and
simplicity of life. It requires you to be more thoughtful, more careful.
It requires you to listen and see well. It requires you to look out for
difficulty and to be aware of danger. It requires you to contemplate
and plan. It requires you to do what you don't really want to do and to
accept what you find difficult to accept. You want to simply coast, but
you can't. Things are broken and they need to be fixed. There is work to
do.”</span></i><span class="text Jas-1-4" id="en-NIV-30271"> </span></span><br />
<span class="text 1Pet-1-9"><span class="text Jas-1-4"><br /></span></span>
<span class="text 1Pet-1-9"><span class="text Jas-1-4">More important than the restoration happening in the house around me, was the restoration that needed to happen inside of me. I was allowing my circumstances to produce in me something that was ugly, rather than something of beauty. I am broken. I will always be broken until the day Christ returns and restores to wholeness <i>all</i> that was broken when we chose to leave the path of what was truly best, for what <i>seemed </i>best in our own eyes at the time. Because I am broken, my tendency will always be to want what is easier over what is best. My prayer though is that when difficulty comes, as it surely will, that I will quickly recognize it as an opportunity for growth and refinement, accepting the grace that my Heavenly Father so lovingly extends, uncomfortable as it may feel in the moment. </span></span></div>
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<span class="text 1Pet-1-9" id="en-NLT-30344"><span class="text Jas-1-4" id="en-NIV-30271">May my "broken-down house" always be progressing toward a thing of beauty that more closely reflects the wealth of grace I've been given. </span></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look closely for the house plant placed atop the scaffolding in a moment of obvious insanity. My attempt at sprucing up the place. :)</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The scaffolding became a makeshift aviary of sorts on which birds of a feather would flock together, dive-bombing our windows and making (more of) a mess of our front entryway. You can see how well my attempt at scaring them away with a rubber snake worked...</td></tr>
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<span class="text 1Pet-1-9" id="en-NLT-30344"><span class="text Jas-1-4" id="en-NIV-30271"><i>"It is beautiful when the Master chisels. God doesn't allow the unglued moments of our lives to happen so we'll label ourselves and stay stuck. He allows the unglued moments to make us aware of the chiseling that needs to be done. So instead of condemning myself with statements like, 'I'm such a mess', I could say, 'Let God chisel. Let Him work on my hard places so I can leave the dark places of being stuck and come into the light of who he designed me to be.' God is calling us out-out of darkness, out from those places we thought would never get better, out of being stuck...He knows best how to prepare in us the character we need to fulfill our calling." </i> </span></span></div>
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<span class="text 1Pet-1-9" id="en-NLT-30344"><span class="text Jas-1-4" id="en-NIV-30271">(from Ch. 3 of "Unglued" by Lysa Terkeurst)</span></span></div>
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<i>“It is a sweet thing that we serve a dissatisfied God who has
destinations in mind for us that we would never choose for ourselves.
It really is a good thing that he will not be satisfied until he has
gotten us exactly where he created us and re-created us to be. Most of
us would have been satisfied to stay at home, and many of us would have
quit the journey long before it was completed. But our heavenly Father
won't give up until each one of his children has completed the journey.” </i></div>
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(from "A Quest For More: Living For Something Bigger Than You<i>" </i>by Paul David Tripp)</div>
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Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-90238100050224963772013-04-16T11:10:00.000-07:002013-04-16T11:10:19.942-07:00We're all runners...<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"Do you not know that in a race all runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize." ~1 Corinthians 9:24</i></div>
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Like any community which knits itself together with the thread of common bonds and shared interests, the running community is no different. I guess, in part, this is why the news of the bombings at the Boston Marathon tied a stone to my heart that made it sink to my gut. </div>
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<img alt="Boston Marathon Bombings 2013" src="http://www.self.com/blogs/flash/BostonMarathon-300.jpg" width="300" /></div>
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In a race you can be shoulder to shoulder with a stranger and still feel you're with a friend. There's an unspoken understanding among you that badges of honor here come in the form of blisters, callouses and missing toenails. A shared sense that we all run because we need to. We want to. We get to. A mutual foreboding that the coming miles will be painful and horrible, yet instantly and gloriously forgotten the moment your mind and heart drags your body across the finish line. </div>
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I'm angry. But I don't hate you because you took something I love and tried to smash the simplicity and joy of it to pieces. I grieve for your soul because it's so dark and twisted with evil. Unable to strive for something out of love or dedication, you instead seek to destroy the very heart of those who are braver than you. Stronger than you. You think your acts of terror make you strong and free. You think you weaken us and shackle our feet with your fear. You are wrong. It is you who are bound by your heart of stone and your caged soul. </div>
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You know nothing of runners. Though our body may be broken, we run on. Though logic says "you'll never make it, sit down and quit", we run on. We've learned the lesson that our body will always reach the point of exhaustion, so we've trained our minds to press on toward our goal. We run these streets. You do not.</div>
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<img alt="People running in city marathon Stock Photo - 7823620" border="0" class="compImg" src="http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/rachwal/rachwal1009/rachwal100900031/7823620-people-running-in-city-marathon.jpg" title="People running in city marathon Stock Photo" /></div>
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We are all runners here. We live life shoulder to shoulder, with those we sometimes share nothing in common with but our desire to endure and to finish well the race set before us. So let's run! Run for the freedoms that are despised by those who think terror will cause us to stumble and forget why we run. Run for the finish that far outweighs the struggles of the moment. Run because you need to. You want to. You get to.</div>
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<i>"Do you see what this means-all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running-and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed-that exhilarating finish in and with God-he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourself flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!" </i></div>
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<i>~Hebrews 12:1-3 (The Message) </i></div>
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<i>"Why do you say, 'My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God'? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." </i></div>
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<i>~Isaiah 40:27-31 </i></div>
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Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-75233447456478614052012-09-03T21:40:00.000-07:002012-09-12T13:48:39.259-07:00Good Gifts<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-style: italic;">"Only You are my Lord! Every good thing I have is a gift from You." </span></div>
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<span style="font-style: italic;">Psalm 16:2</span></div>
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It was the winter of 2010. Only about a month before, we had firmly decided that come summer we would make the move to Virginia. We didn't normally get much snow where we were living at the time in Maryland, but that winter we had a couple big storms, one which brought about 3 feet of snow with it. With all the inconveniences one could imagine with that amount of snowfall, it was instead the blessing of life slowing down and coming to a halt that stood out for us as a family.<br />
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<i>(our dog, Butterball, may have considered all the snow more of an inconvenience than we did.)</i></div>
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At the time, we were living in a neighborhood that these days you don't always find. In the warmer weather, you'd find a bunch of the kids playing a rowdy game of kick-the-can at the end of the court. Or an impromptu bonfire with whoever happened to be around on a long, lazy summer evening. Some of our best friends lived just a few houses down from ours and our children spent hours upon hours together between our two houses. That particular winter, having so much snow and being unable to leave the neighborhood for days, became just another reason to connect with neighbors and enjoy an unhurried pace that usually eluded our day to day busy lives.</div>
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The kids played together, sledding down hills and building snow forts. We had hot chocolate parties in the middle of the day and spent hours playing games together instead of catching up on laundry, running the vacuum or various other mundane tasks that usually eat up so much of the day leaving little room for much else. No school. No work. Just room for relationship. We couldn't leave to buy food so we would bring what we had and meet in someone's home for dinner. It was one of these "potlucks" that brought my Mayberry musings to a screeching halt.</div>
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Somewhere amidst the laughter around the table, a niggling thought began taking root in my mind. <i>"Enjoy this now. This doesn't happen everyday. This is a once-in-a-lifetime-neighborhood kind of experience...you'll never find this again."</i> Up till that point, while the idea of a move naturally caused me some anxiety, I had for the most part been able to focus on what we would gain from the new place and not what we would lose leaving the old. In that moment I resolved to hold close those memories being made, assuming that no matter what good things came our way, we would quite possibly never have the blessing again of what our neighbors had become to us. While I believed God had and would again richly bless us in friendship, I didn't even think to ask for friends that were just a doorway or two away. That would just be too much to ask...</div>
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Wouldn't it?<br />
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2k8BfNECNkDeBTZ8pJ26pLBoXGT4kdKdEXnxccB6NPF-TmifNdm0QNI08guZkMP85Gk86v3IlbhrZatcH2k_k4xRklRMdc175owkOZMqv097yffHkCLS0K4R5tx2OTLm1J4Iwa5cCi7Vj/s1600/Sam+and+Jared+Kindergarten.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2k8BfNECNkDeBTZ8pJ26pLBoXGT4kdKdEXnxccB6NPF-TmifNdm0QNI08guZkMP85Gk86v3IlbhrZatcH2k_k4xRklRMdc175owkOZMqv097yffHkCLS0K4R5tx2OTLm1J4Iwa5cCi7Vj/s320/Sam+and+Jared+Kindergarten.jpg" width="240" /></a><br />
<i>(One of my most favorite pictures of our son and his neighborhood friend that captures the precious treasure our families felt we had in each other)</i><br />
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<span style="text-align: left;">After our move I determined to not cling to the expectation that God would meet my need for friends in the ways He had before. I wanted to let go and trust my Creator to be...well, creative. :) <a href="http://www.aroadwayinthewilderness.blogspot.com/2010/10/if-home-is-where-heart-iswhen-will-my.html">(If home is where the heart is...when will my heart realize my body has already moved?)</a> I began to look for opportunities to make myself available to the ways in which He might work. Feeling like I had lost part of my identity in the move, <a href="http://www.aroadwayinthewilderness.blogspot.com/2010/11/knickers-and-knowing-who-i-am.html">(Knickers and Knowing Who I Am)</a> I began to pursue things that I wouldn't mind being defined by here, in the new place.</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">I've always run. I've just never been known as "The Runner". In fact, back in high school, once my younger (and faster) sister was old enough to run on the same cross-country team that I ran on, and began beating me...soundly, I gave up cross-country for soccer. "If you can't beat 'em, leave 'em."...Isn't that how the saying goes? ;) Anyway, about 7 or 8 months after moving to Virginia and feeling like we had settled into most things as far as routine and daily life go, I decided "The Runner" was something I should add to my meager list of remaining identifying characteristics. Not usually one to do something half-way once committed, I signed up and began training for a half-marathon and a 10 mile race.</span></div>
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On a whim, and at the suggestion of my dentist (Go figure...but hey, at that point my dentist was probably one of the few people who knew me "well" in our new town. Ha!), I signed up for a second half-marathon that is run each year locally just minutes from our house. Rather than plugging my ears and blocking out the world as usual with my headphones, I decided to run with only the soundtrack of my feet on the pavement and the runners around me. Somewhere around mile marker 4, God gave me a friend. :) As we chatted about the mundane and found some things in common, 6 miles vanished under my feet. Before I knew it, we were at mile 10 with only 3.1 miles to go and my body had no recollection of the miles I'd just run, only the conversation I'd enjoyed. Thankful for the distraction, we both finished the race and exchanged last names so we could find each other on Facebook and maybe get together to run every now and then.</div>
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Last month marked a year since that race. Amanda and I have run together most weekends since, with only a few weeks break as we both recovered from stress fractures...one of the natural consequences of being "The Runner". :) We've never chatted over a cup of coffee or met for a day of shopping, but the hundreds of miles we've run together over the last year have knit us together all the same. With each mile, as the distance grew behind us, a friendship grew between us. I hadn't thought to ask for a friend to run with, but God provided one just the same while showing me that His provision doesn't always come in the ways we expect or are used to. My desires and perceived needs can change daily depending on how my life is going at any given moment and my surrounding circumstances. I'm thankful for a Gift Giver who is always aware of my true need.</div>
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<i>"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17</i><br />
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<i>(when we least expect it, God shows up, filling an empty place we may never have even thought to ask Him to fill)</i></div>
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Writing this blog as a journal of sorts, to chronicle my family's transition to a new place, started out as a way to be able to look back. I had a sense that the coming months and years would provide many an opportunity for God to show Himself faithful to our family. I didn't want the years to slip by while growing comfortable in a new place, not taking the time to acknowledge God's hand in the day to day moments that spoke of His constant grace and provision in our lives. </div>
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<i>"Not to us, Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1</i></div>
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As it would turn out, God used the recounting of His faithfulness to us in order to give our family the very thing we never expected to experience twice...</div>
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Our kids had just completed their first year at the new school. We were a little over a month away from the one year anniversary of our move. I found myself in that sort of awkward and unscripted transition between feeling welcomed to a new place, and feeling like you belonged. That period of time where you stop looking to others to welcome you and start looking for someone to welcome. I'm sure the length of time it takes to make this transition varies for everyone. I don't suppose there's any particular magic formula, other than just getting to a point where you remember well what it's like to be the "new girl" and desire to be a friendly face to someone else who finds herself in that place. To be frank, I think I was in the process of relearning to focus on others instead of myself. </div>
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<i>"...in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Philippians 2:3-4</i></div>
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I was checking my email one evening and came across a message from an address I didn't recognize with the subject line, <i>"Your Blog"</i>. Curious, I opened the email and began reading. "<i>...I thought I would write to say hello and let you know that I stumbled upon your blog..." </i>As I continued to read I learned that the writer had just moved to Lynchburg with her family 2 weeks before... <i>"I know with blogging, sometimes you wonder if anything you say is being heard or if you're just typing your thoughts into cyber space. I wanted to let you know that at least for one Friday evening, a year after you typed it, your feelings of first moving here encouraged a new soul to the Lynchburg community." </i>Beyond just being encouraged myself by her kind words, I had no idea the Good Gift that would come as a result of that email from a complete stranger.</div>
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Fifteen months later, Christina is a dear friend...and my <i>NEIGHBOR</i>!!! Long story short, after exchanging a few emails, our families got together for dinner. It was then that we learned they had actually been considering buying a house that was just starting to be built in our neighborhood, unaware previously that we in fact lived there as well. I began a nightly campaign that included sending them pictures of the beautiful sunsets behind the mountains, including messages like, <i>"this could be your view every evening..."</i>. :) </div>
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I think that out of all Gods abundant provision for us surrounding this move so far, that His gift to us of the Moores has been an example to me of how God desires to bless us beyond what we could ever hope or imagine with Good Gifts tailored not just to meet our specific need for a particular moment, but even our wants at times. </div>
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<i>"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21</i><br />
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The Moores have been such a treasured blessing to us. I've felt spoiled many a time this past summer as I watched their kids and ours running back and forth between our houses, enjoying each others company from the moment they woke up till they were forced back home to their own beds at night. I'm thankful for the shared burden of a million trips back and forth to school each week. :) Impromptu dinners in the middle of a full week, or the friendly, family rivalry of a quick volleyball game in the backyard as the sun is setting and another day comes to a close, give us an excuse and a reminder to not get so wrapped up in the busyness that surrounds every family these days. God didn't have to give us dear friends, with the added convenience of having them also be our neighbors, as He had done before. He certainly had proven up to that point that He was more than capable of providing dear friends everywhere we went, in all manner of ways. But He chose to. He is a giver of Good Gifts. And sometimes I feel as if He simply blesses us for no other reason than to remind us of His tremendous love for us.</div>
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<i>"If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!" Matthew 7:11</i></div>
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When I stop to consider this, I am overwhelmed by my Savior who left heaven in order to come close to His children, extending the Good Gift of salvation to all who would accept it, so that we could be <i>His</i> "neighbors" one day. May this serve as a reminder to me, when I think I know what I need, or selfishly beg for what I want, that it is my Father in heaven that sees the end from the beginning and has treasures in store that I am often too short sighted to see.</div>
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<i>"Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all His benefits-...who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." Psalm 103:2,5</i></div>
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<i>"For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Lord Almighty, blessed is the one who trusts in You." Psalm 84:11-12</i><br />
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Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-53102334978943971882012-03-07T14:09:00.000-08:002012-03-07T14:09:42.248-08:00What keeps us from HOME?A few weeks ago, it was quite literally an abandoned, mangy and hungry yellow lab mix that kept us from home...<br />
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It had been raining all evening and our daughter, Hannah, had just sat down to relax and watch a little TV when her eyes were drawn to the window by another pair of eyes staring back at her from out on our deck. Nose pressed to the window, the stray dog begged her with his eyes to come rescue him. At first glance, this story may lead one to believe that this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship between our family and this down on his luck mutt...<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyYl0mrUkggr4TpVSDhVNc_aEgkYouszToNRyIeAOsizvV2aI7D6zFR2bb4_PJEVfSJBtU0YWMPB5lvKyB19dp7wslEEP6s9BSrWPTbCx4U6urr8Bv0JaOE1GxolKF2KRA64olBrzsXnQ5/s1600/photo-3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyYl0mrUkggr4TpVSDhVNc_aEgkYouszToNRyIeAOsizvV2aI7D6zFR2bb4_PJEVfSJBtU0YWMPB5lvKyB19dp7wslEEP6s9BSrWPTbCx4U6urr8Bv0JaOE1GxolKF2KRA64olBrzsXnQ5/s320/photo-3.JPG" width="232" /></a></div><br />
...I beg of you to read further... :)<br />
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While initially I had been drawn in by this dog and the way he would wait all day (sometimes by the front door facing the road) in expectation of our return, I soon began having to intricately plot both our plan of escape from our home and our hopefully, unnoticed return. In fact, it became such an ordeal to leave or return that I soon began leaving for the day in the early morning and finding things to do that would keep me away from the house until I absolutely had to be home in the evening. <br />
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We learned very quickly that this dog did NOT like to be left. While trying to get in the car to leave that evening, he came bounding around the side of the house, running full force and dodging past me to leap into the car claiming my seat before I could even get a foot in the door. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZnXgZjMZAaj_6HW5BhkE_JnST9nZdegwGfe-A8O8KCtuXP60h3xoga2R2DE8N4axW4dlDBnbRqCoPlRfSxAy9_k_58Sf9goswMXeK3LVeD5NrPRm4StGSYK1X_Yq1llo2AnZj24CchrFX/s1600/photo-1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZnXgZjMZAaj_6HW5BhkE_JnST9nZdegwGfe-A8O8KCtuXP60h3xoga2R2DE8N4axW4dlDBnbRqCoPlRfSxAy9_k_58Sf9goswMXeK3LVeD5NrPRm4StGSYK1X_Yq1llo2AnZj24CchrFX/s320/photo-1.JPG" width="277" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> (in reality, this was NOT as endearing as it looks!)</div><br />
After finally coaxing him out and everyone else squeezing in through barely opened doors, he began to circle our car so that I couldn't even back down our driveway. When he would pass between the front of our car and the garage, his larger than life shadow was cast on the garage door by the beams of the headlights making us feel like we were in a tense scene from a movie in which a family is held helplessly captive by some monstrosity of a beast as he circles, just waiting for the moment when human flesh will emerge. We finally were able to escape that evening by shutting him in our garage while we safely backed down the driveway. Our morning plan of escape began with us whispering and tiptoeing around the house as we got ready for the day in the hopes of not waking the sleeping beast out on our deck. I was having to add an average of 10-15 minutes to our schedule in order to still leave for school on time with the intricate planning of our escape. While the kids finished getting ready, I would sneak out to the car with their backpacks and anything else we'd need for the day and then back the car all the way down to the end of the driveway. This usually woke the dog as the sound of our garage door opening was like an alarm to him. I would race back into the house before the dog could come running around the side and throw open the door to the refrigerator in search of anything I could distract the dog with long enough for the kids to get into the car and for us to leave the driveway. On one particular occasion it was the homemade chicken noodle soup from our neighbor...this mangy beast was eating as well as we were! I would take whatever food I could find and stand at the door to the deck poised and ready while the kids assumed their positions at the door to the garage. Simultaneously, we would open our respective doors. I would toss out the food to the waiting beast and race back through the kitchen to join the kids in an all out sprint to the idling car. Most mornings we would make it before the savory treat had been consumed, allowing us to not have to repeat the whole scenario with something else found in the fridge. Upon our return, I would need to hold the dog off by swinging grocery bags or other such weapons and by angling my body in such a way across the doorway to allow for the safe passage of the kids while still keeping the dog out as he jumped and clawed all over me, desperate for a way in. It makes me shake my head to think of the daily entertainment we were providing for our neighbors had they been looking out their curtains. :) While we were at home the dog would circle the house, checking all the doors and windows he could reach, trying to find us. It seemed that any window or door we passed would have his nose pressed up against it. This became particularly unsettling at night when the last thing you'd expect to see while looking out the window would be another pair of eyes staring back at you. I mean, not that you'd expect that during the day either, ha! Just that something about the darkness makes one feel more skittish about such things. One can see why, after a few days of this, I began to find every reason not to go home.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCUBaITWvqma3qPM8uLUV_-7WHVJioThLI_fSq7vgDlAYOEjVUWjt2WfKwfI8E98OewvQvFqGx8t6DmrBue5iQ3WAIuGWFgq86bHlMJfsmz9FOgui6hazCyzDlDDEGmPrwFpZxXv1c3xUn/s1600/photo-2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCUBaITWvqma3qPM8uLUV_-7WHVJioThLI_fSq7vgDlAYOEjVUWjt2WfKwfI8E98OewvQvFqGx8t6DmrBue5iQ3WAIuGWFgq86bHlMJfsmz9FOgui6hazCyzDlDDEGmPrwFpZxXv1c3xUn/s320/photo-2.JPG" width="313" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">(keeping an ever watchful eye on us as we prepared for our escape)</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">While the memory of our stalker dog will most assuredly provide lots of laughter (and relief that he has moved on) as our family reflects on it for years to come, it has also caused me to think about the broader idea of home and what at times can keep us from it...that perfect niche carved out in life just for us by the Creator who knows us best. The place waiting for us if we'll only trust God's plan enough to sometimes follow blindly where He leads, based solely on His promise to prosper and not to harm us. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-style: italic;">"'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;">To me, home is not necessarily always a physical place where we eat our meals and lay our head each night. The idea of home goes beyond the brick or stone of a foundation to the roots we put down in a community, the time invested in a circle of friends and the things that surround us in the everyday that become familiar to us, give us a sense of continuity and security. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Before moving to our current home in Virginia, I was certain that God's plan for our family could not include pulling up the roots we had already spent years tending. It was this misled certainty that threw me into a tailspin each time my husband brought up the idea of a change. I recently looked back through my journals to the year that Matt first began to raise the idea of moving to Virginia. As I read through the cries of my heart toward God back then, I can easily see now how He was beginning to faithfully prepare me for expanding my idea of home and security...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>9/17/03~God, I beg of You to grant me what you want to give me. There are so many things I want...both material and immaterial...but underneath my emotions, my anger, my selfishness and my mistrust I want what you really want to give me. I have to admit I'm afraid to even pray this because at the moment I'm feeling as if I will need to give up my house and many other things that I hold probably too tightly. Remind me, God, of your love and desire for what's best for me. Prove Yourself to me, so that my trust in You will grow...Let Your truth rearrange my priorities and change the way I think. Give me a heart filled with Your desires. Bless me for letting go, make Your will my prayer. Change my heart to not hold tightly to the things of this world...</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>9/22/03~God, I guess the one thing I desire above most is to feel settled, secure and to have a "permanent" home. It's possible my doubts about what You desire to bless me with have limited your goodness. Maybe my ideas of a home and security aren't exactly what Your ideas are. Align my heart with Yours in this area and help me to find that "settled-ness" that my heart longs for. Make a "home" for me</i> <i>that You desire...</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>10/25/03~God, You know the fear that may be holding me back. I fear the feeling of being unsettled and of leaving friends. Help me to realize that my fears are based on faulty beliefs. Don't let my fears keep me from Your best for me. God, if that means Lynchburg...ack!...so be it, but please change my heart in that area if it is Your will for us to go. Remind me each day that You are my security. Don't let me base my conclusions on simply how I feel. Give me the answers to Your true will for our lives as a family and then give me the strength to move forward in Your will. Release the power that my fear of insecurity and "unsettled-ness" has over me. Even now I'm resisting what may quite possibly be Your perfect will for me out of this particular fear. Take it from me...</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>11/21/03~God, You know my fears of leaving "comfort zones", most of those fears come into play when my security of home, friends</i> <i>and surroundings</i> <i>are threatening to change...help me to grow to a place where I will welcome discomfort as a chance to grow...</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>12/17/03~I was reminded this morning in Your word about how all Your plans for me are good and that they give me a hope and a future. I must not completely trust that since I am far from willing to jump headlong into something new, especially when it involves packing up and going somewhere else...especially when I feel so strongly about where you've put us now and the blessing of friendship we have here. God, I still hate the idea of Lynchburg and I don't know if it's my stubborn unfaithfulness or if it's really not meant to be, but my mind has not budged in the past months. Don't allow me to let this cause anymore strife between Matt and I. Help us both to see and hear You clearly. Please give us both a clear answer or let it lie peacefully</i> <i>until Your perfect timing.</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: left;">That was over 8 years ago. In order to make what is already a lengthy story just a little longer :)...the short version is that from that period of time, God did indeed answer my prayer for a break in the strife caused between Matt and I over the differing opinions in our views for the future. Years would go by in which I knew Matt was still thinking of what "could be" in Lynchburg, Virginia but was patiently waiting for God to speak just as clearly to me. I have to admit I tried my stubborn best to keep my hands clamped tightly over my ears for quite some time in the hopes that I could quite possibly keep from hearing something I didn't want to hear. But God ever so gently and lovingly removed my fingers one by one and began to teach me that He could in fact be trusted...He did in fact want what was best for me...and He did in fact know me better than I knew myself. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18</i> </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"We declare God's wisdom, a mystery that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began...What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived - the things God has prepared for those who love Him." 1 Corinthians 2:7,9</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div>Now in the home we've found in Virginia, I look at all the ways God has blessed us here and shake my head at how I could have missed this home...I tried so hard to keep from coming here because of my fear of the unknown. I created a false security around me built on current circumstances that blinded me to the unseen blessings waiting for me here. I can't help but also think of home in the eternal sense. While I love where we are today, I want to be wary of keeping my eyes only on the temporal. It is my misguided faith placed in the temporary that makes me desperately cling to people or places in the hopes of finding security. I went out on a limb over 8 years ago and decided to give God the opportunity to prove Himself faithful in this area. While Matt and I can both attest to the fact that the living out of those years wasn't always smooth and comfortable in the moment, I can easily see as I flip through pages and pages of hand-written memories that God was always at work in the unseen and provided blessings in countless ways that I had never imagined with my limited vision of the future.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><i>"And indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them." Hebrews 11:15-16</i> </div><br />
What keeps you from home? Fear...? Pride...? Doubt...? Whether it's a physical place here on earth that would bring unspeakable joy and healing if we'd just surrender to the journey no matter how far, or our eternal home waiting for us in heaven...what is there to lose by surrendering to the One who sees beyond all we can see and goes before us to prepare a place with us in mind?<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><i>"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in Me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." John 14:1-4</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:16-21</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div>Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-7571402732233743332011-11-02T14:17:00.000-07:002011-11-02T17:30:20.822-07:00"It takes a long time to grow an old friend" ~ John Leonard<div style="text-align: center;"><i>"Just as lotions and fragrance give delight to the senses, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul." </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Proverbs 27:9</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i> </i> </div><div style="text-align: left;">In recent weeks I have reflected many times on the irreplaceable gift of the friendships our family has been blessed with over the years. Countless times we have benefited from others living out the verse in Galatians 6:2 that reads, <i>"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." </i> Our lives are assuredly more full when we open ourselves to sharing it with those who can celebrate with us in our joys and mourn with us in our heartaches <i>(Romans 12:15)</i>. I've never been one to want to seclude myself from others, although I do admit that at times throughout my life, even from my earlier memories of childhood friendships, it has been easier to withdraw to surface level relationships rather than put myself out there at the risk of being hurt. However, if I had let the fear of getting hurt always trump God's desire for me to open my life to others, I would have missed out on the refreshing of my soul that can only come from dear friends and the timeliness of a good friend's much needed advice.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">In a previous blog post around this time last year, <a href="http://aroadwayinthewilderness.blogspot.com/2010/10/if-home-is-where-heart-iswhen-will-my.html">If home is where the heart is...when will my heart realize my body has already moved?</a>, I wrote about what it felt like to live in the balance between the friends we left behind after our move and the ones yet to be made here in our new home. A little over one year later, God has indeed proven faithful to give us more than we could ever ask or imagine when it comes to the people He has put in our path <i>(Ephesians 3:20-21)</i>, but that's another post for another day :). Today, I want to share just a small glimpse of the kind of friends God has blessed us with in the transition from one home to another, our "middle-of-the-way" and "in between" friends. :)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"For they have refreshed my spirit and yours. You should recognize the value of people like these."</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>1 Corinthians 16:18</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Scot and Dee are the kind of friends you long to be with. And when you're with them, there isn't a thought given to how late it's getting or what might need to be done in the morning. In simple conversation, they have the gift of making you feel like whatever is going on in your life is the most important thing of the moment. Their home is one that's warm and inviting and one cannot help but be drawn in by their hospitality and humbled by how easily they seem to share their lives with others. Scot and Dee may not even have known it, or been purposefully mindful about it, but for Matt and I, they were a lifeline to the familiar<i> </i>after we moved. Each month after our move, for 4 or 5 months in a row, they came to visit us for a weekend. While we loved our new home, our hearts still ached for the familiarity of friends that knew us well. I felt as if I marked time with "Before Scot & Dee's Visit" and "After Scot & Dee's Visit". :) After a weekend with Scot and Dee, Matt and I both felt our souls had been refreshed. We were reminded anew of the blessing that comes from opening up our lives to the people God puts in our path. Our excitement grew over what God would be capable of doing in the future when we were reminded of how He'd blessed us in friendship before. It couldn't have been easy for Scot and Dee to have planned so many weekends away from their own home...but we are more than grateful that they did, as they were just the bridge we needed across our "middle-of-the-way". </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Elise is just as much a part of my story today as she was 8 years ago. No one who knew me 8 years ago would have <i>EVER</i> pictured me living here in Lynchburg and not wanting to be anywhere else. Eight years ago, Matt and I were in the middle of a period of many months in which the mere mention by him of the town of Lynchburg would make me angry. I can remember times when I'd be in the next room and hear a snippet of a conversation he was having with someone else about Lynchburg and I'd call out, "I heard that! God may have told you that we're supposed to move there but He hasn't told me yet, so forget about it!" I felt as if I'd married a man of many plans when all I wanted was to stick to <i>MY</i> plan. I had let my fear of change and my need to be comfortable crowd out any dream that Matt might have had to follow a desire planted in his heart by God. I can remember one night sobbing in the corner of the bathroom in a restaurant in the middle of New York City because Matt had chosen an inopportune moment at dinner during a weekend away to broach the subject again and I fled from the table in tears. I briefly considered leaving the bathroom and leaving the restaurant entirely and wandering the streets of New York City until Matt really understood the level to which I disagreed with his leading. :) Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately..., the fear that I might've still been wandering those streets today, waiting for him to understand, kept me huddled in the bathroom trying to erase the tears as they continued to pour down my face. It was in the midst of this period of disagreement between Matt and I that Elise and I went together to a Beth Moore conference in Richmond, VA. Somewhere in the jumble of memories leading up to our move and after, the significance of that particular weekend and it's testimony of God's miraculous answer to a desperate prayer of mine got lost in the shuffle. Just recently, Elise asked me if I could find my notes from that long ago weekend for something that she was doing. I dug through all of my old journals trying to find them as a favor for her, having no idea that what I would actually find would be my biggest reminder yet of God's faithfulness surrounding our move to Lynchburg.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">As I flipped through the pages of my scribbled notes, a small piece of paper fluttered out from between them and fell to the floor. I picked it up recognizing Elise's familiar handwriting: </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"Ok, you're not going to like this, but here's the thought that came to me. Perhaps you are to wrestle this out with God and find <u>your</u> peace, <u>your</u> confirmation apart from Matt. I will stand out at the edge of your 'further still' place and pray for you as you go there to fight it out with God. And I'll be there to rejoice with you when you come out." -E</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I can remember leaving for that weekend away and desperately asking God to show me some way to convince Matt that he was wrong and I was right. My spirit was so opposed to the idea that I thought surely Matt had to be wrong in his desire to come to Lynchburg<i>. </i>I felt imprisioned in the midst of the turmoil caused by Matt's and my conflicting ideas over the future, unable to convince Matt that he was wrong, and unable, or worse...unwilling, to allow myself to hear God above the roar of my feelings. Beth Moore spent some time talking that weekend about how when we're stuck in difficult circumstances, we are not stuck there without purpose. God is most assuredly completing something that is lacking in me when I'm in the midst of a situation that I cannot control. She talked about the idea that it's these kinds of situations that bring out the worst in us, and for good reason. It is God's refining of us through fiery trials that brings out the worst in us so it can be acknowledged and then done away with. When we are refined, we can have a new response to an old situation. Though the situation or circumstance may never change, God's priority is my response to the situation.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." 1 Peter 1:6-7</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">As I struggled that weekend to somehow conform God's word into what I wanted it to say for me in my situation, Elise heard the truth of what God was really saying and loved me enough to be honest with me in her note, jotted quickly on a scrap of paper. Eight years later, as that note fluttered to my feet and I read it again, I had that feeling from within that can only be described as a bubble of joy bursting and overflowing out of my mouth in the form of praise for what God has done in my heart through these years. Elise had no way of knowing where I'd be today. Our friendship had been the kind where each of us could easily end up on the others doorstep in tears or in laughter, just wanting to share whatever it was on our mind. If God were to confirm for me His desire for us to move, there would be a lot more distance between her doorstep and mine. Yet still her prayer was that I would cast my fear and anxiety on God, rather than Matt, and her promise was to rejoice with me in the outcome whether it put distance between us or not. Between the pages where I had tucked Elise's note, I wrote these words during that weekend eight years ago:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"Matt doesn't need to change, I need to change. God is trying to teach me</i> <i>through Matt, 'the man with the plan', that my security lies only in You, God. Give me that security, God. Don't let me walk away unchanged from this trial. Remind me daily that you are</i> <i>always accomplishing something in me in the 'wait'. Refine me God, get rid of my old, sinful response. Give me a new response to the same situation. I am here, at this point, for a reason. Complete what is lacking in me so I may be fully used of You wherever, whatever that may be.</i> <i>AMEN."</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Below these words I had written a note to myself to find scriptures that spoke truth about the desires of my heart reflecting God's desires, & the trustworthiness of God to give me the desires of my heart when I hand them over to him and to then continually pray through the scriptures I found until my thoughts reflected God's own. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them. But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear." Matthew 13:15-16</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">This was exactly the condition of my heart eight years ago. I had become so wrapped up in what I wanted and what made me feel comfortable and secure that my heart had become too calloused to even be aware of what God was speaking. I had squeezed my eyes shut tightly and covered my ears like a child having a tantrum and expected that I could continue to be content while not seeing or hearing.<br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i></i><i> "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give</i> <i>you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, and your vindication like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him..." Psalm 37:4-7</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Everyday that I witness the beautiful rising of the sun over the mountains from the deck of our home here in Lynchburg, I am reminded anew of how faithful my God is. He didn't just bring us here and leave me longing for what I left behind. He opened my eyes to see and my ears to hear so that I could accept His gift of bringing us here. He replaced my selfish desires with His desires for our family. He knew the blessing waiting for me here and patiently held my hand through my tantrum, knowing all the while that when I got where He was leading me, I'd see the silliness of wanting to stay where I was simply because it was "safe". He has given me the desires of my heart even when I had been willing to settle instead for my limited view of what was best. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;">"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord...'You will go out in joy and be led forth</span> <i>in peace; the mountains and the hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.'" Isaiah 55:9,12</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Never underestimate God's ability to change your heart and give you true joy in the midst of what you feared the most. When I compare the calloused heart beating inside me eight years ago, to the one that pounded loudly in my chest six years and two months later as I told Matt that I had a peace about our move, I can no longer doubt God's ability to accomplish what concerns me when I give myself completely over to His care. I need to continue to challenge myself with this truth in other areas of my life. I was reminded this week, in a Bible study by Angela Thomas entitled "Brave", that "God is always plotting for our joy in the unseen." Was He ever! :)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"He brought me forth also into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me...For You light my lamp; The Lord my God illumines my darkness. For by You I can run upon a troop; and by my God I can leap over a wall...The Lord lives, and blessed be my rock; and exalted be the God of my salvation." Psalm 18:19, 28-29, 46</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">God's gift of Elise, with the right words for the right moment, is a constant reminder to me of the blessing found in a friend who is willing to speak truth to you, no matter the cost. She pointed me in the direction of God's best for me, not even knowing herself what it would be or what it would cost her. The result has been one of the grandest displays of God's faithfulness in my life to date. Elise has surrounded me in my "in between". Having known the full story of our family's journey to Lynchburg that began seven years before we ever got here, she stuck to her word and has rejoiced with me as I came out the other side. :)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: left;"><i> </i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i> </i></div>Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-77283046490430216112011-10-05T10:08:00.000-07:002011-10-05T10:08:58.069-07:00Always watching...always thanking.<div style="text-align: center;"><i>"Continue praying, keeping alert, and always thanking God." Colossians 4:2</i><i></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">This past weekend was full of friends and laughter...okay, and maybe a few tears because of an emotional movie choice. :) It was the kind of weekend that exhausts you in the best way possible and causes you to sit back and reflect on the goodness of the gifts that God has given you in the people He puts in your path. I am not so far removed from the "alone-ness" that can come after a major move that I can let such a weekend pass without acknowledging the blessing of being surrounded by friends. My prayer is that I would continue to be sensitive to the work that God is doing in and around me, even as the newness here continues to fade and my life becomes increasingly full of the normal, everyday things that come with beginning to feel established somewhere. <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><i>"I will remember your great deeds, Lord; I will recall the wonders you did in the past." Psalm 77:11</i> </div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Around this time last year, I remember feeling like everything here took effort. It was an effort that I wanted to make and most days enjoyed, yet still I longed for the comfort of the old as I lived in expectation that there would come a day when the "new" wouldn't wear me out so much. Last fall there were days when my favorite thing to do would be to just stay at home all day while the kids were in school. It didn't matter what I was doing, I simply found joy in being somewhere in which I didn't have to introduce myself or feel like I was always needing to figure out something new. I think those days were good for me. Being the new person can be exhausting and I felt refreshed by being around what was familiar and required little effort, even if for just short periods of time. Just to be clear, if I had followed that inclination <i>every</i> day, I wholeheartedly believe I would have missed out on a majority of the blessings surrounding me today. :) I was alert then in my expectation for God to reveal Himself to me in a new way, and I am thankful today for the reminder in Colossians 4:2 to "continue praying, keeping alert, and always thanking God." For me, one of the benefits in having to start over in a new place has been the extra sensitivity to what God was doing or going to do because I was looking for it. I was more aware because, quite frankly, my life wasn't too full of activity to notice even the smaller meaningful things that were happening around me everyday. It's important to me that I not lose that perspective...that expectation for God to show up in the midst of the ordinary and do something extraordinary, to take notice of it when He does, and to bring Him glory by sharing what He has done and what He is capable of.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><i>"I will praise you, Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." Psalm 57:9-11</i></div><br />
I've been struck by my busyness lately and how quickly it can sneak up on me and leave me with no time to consider what it is that God would have me notice. Today is a day in which I'm simply enjoying time at home, not as I did a year ago to hide-out in a sense, but to take the time to be still and allow my mind the space to wrap itself around the extent of what God is doing. Too often, in the busyness of the everyday, I see life as a random string of events being pulled quickly past me as I try my best to just simply keep up. When in fact those events are intricately, and purposefully woven together with glimpses of the hand of God at work if I will just take the time to notice. There have been numerous occasions in the past that I have let an event or circumstance pass me by, whether joyful or frustrating, because I was too busy to glean from it the lesson being given. One thing that this past year with our move has taught me is that being alert and watchful, living in expectation is how I should approach each day...not just after a move when I am waiting for God to fill the "empty spaces", but also when I've been connected to a place for many years and am tempted to allow myself to grow dull to what it is that God is accomplishing around me, what He's teaching me and how He's blessing me amidst the joys and struggles of everyday life. The title verse that I chose for this blog is as applicable to my life today as it was over a year ago when I first began to journal my way through our family's "roadway in the wilderness"... <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><i>"Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:19</i></div><br />
My prayer is that I will never get so distracted by the busyness of the everyday that I begin to look at life as a series of meaningless events - some good, some bad - that are all just bringing me closer to an end that is just as purposeless and meaningless. We have been created with great design and purpose, life is meant for much more than going through the motions. I pray it is this truth that shines through my inadequate words on this page. <i> </i><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><i>"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints." Ephesians 1:18</i></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><i><3 </i></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><i>"But because of His great love for us, God who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of His grace, expressed in His kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:4-10</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: left;">As I was driving the other day, the lyrics to a song by Natalie Grant put a smile on my face as I reflected upon the beauty of a moment when the thoughts on my heart are reflected in the words of another and put to song. May the "Greatness Of Our God" be what you watch and wait for.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Greatness Of Our God</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>by: Natalie Grant</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Give me eyes to see more of who you are.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>May what I behold still my anxious heart.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Take what I have known and break it all apart.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>For you my God are greater still.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"> <i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>And no sky contains no doubt restrains all you are</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>the greatness of our God</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>I'll spend my life to know and I'm far from close to all you are</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>the greatness of our God.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Give me grace to see beyond this moment here.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>To believe that there is nothing left to fear.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>That you alone are high above it all.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>And you my God are greater still.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>And there is nothing that could ever separate us,</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>No, there is nothing that could ever separate us from your love.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>No life, no death,</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>of this I am convinced,</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>You my God are greater still.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKR6z2hoRRgbHb83NFUk_d8TmxYjwPJ7hgmNr2mJXpqQoodHUwrLswZyVpVztqp1ExCV2ZHapHMuqbuahCrFEL3t4pw-EQISiLxWVONLidoWFaOhyphenhyphenFtbAyrt53MxiJRFN20XJjJY5gjQ_d/s1600/Blog+pic-tailgating" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKR6z2hoRRgbHb83NFUk_d8TmxYjwPJ7hgmNr2mJXpqQoodHUwrLswZyVpVztqp1ExCV2ZHapHMuqbuahCrFEL3t4pw-EQISiLxWVONLidoWFaOhyphenhyphenFtbAyrt53MxiJRFN20XJjJY5gjQ_d/s320/Blog+pic-tailgating" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i> </i>(Tailgating this past weekend @ LU w/ many of the blessings God gave us this year) :)</div><i><br />
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</div></div>Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-83869287313744943862011-07-29T13:42:00.000-07:002011-07-29T18:47:55.984-07:00I no longer need the gps to find the Roadway in the Wilderness :)The smell of chlorine tickled my nose as the splash of water found it's way to my face. The evening humidity draped itself over me like a damp blanket as the shouts and laughter surrounding the pool area reached my ears. All of a sudden it hit me. I am part of a community. :) <br />
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Earlier this week we went to a swim meet to cheer on the children of some friends who were competing. This may not appear to be anything earth shattering, but as I stood there surrounded by people I knew, having come to support someone else's children instead of my own, I realized for the first time that God has indeed been faithful to bring me past the place of feeling welcome, to truly feeling like I belong here. I smile at the timing of this revelation as this weekend marks one year since packing up our lives in Maryland and beginning to unpack them here. It seems a funny concept to "pack up" one's life and in turn to then "unpack" it, but along with the boxes that held our earthly possessions, I feel as if we also figuratively placed our lives in a box and over the past year have slowly taken out pieces of ourselves and set them here or there in hopes of finding just the right place in which to totally feel at home.<br />
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On one hand, it seems as if the past year has flown by and it's crazy to think that all the "firsts" of the last 12 months, which at the time seemed so daunting, will now suddenly be "seconds" that aren't so intimidating. On the other hand, picturing myself dazed and confused amid a gazillion boxes and wondering where to begin, both in the unpacking of boxes and the process of settling in, seems like a lifetime ago. I feel at home, yet still hold on to the wonder of how blessed we are to be in this not-so-new-anymore place. I looked back today at the previous year of posts and am thankful that I can still remember exactly how I felt a year ago today. Maybe that's why it seems in a way as if a year has flown by. So much has happened, yet it's still fresh on my mind the mix of feeling alone in a new place coupled with the assurance that God would do something new and anxiously living in expectation of it. <i>"Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert." (Isaiah 43:18-19)</i> Looking back, I couldn't have chosen a more fitting verse to title this blog. God has most faithfully made a way and a home for us here...even in the times when I wasn't faithful on my end to truly be aware and look for the ways in which He was continuously working. There are still days in which I feel like the new person, but they are becoming more few and far between. The idea that I feel truly at home here surprises me on some days, like earlier this week at the swim meet, when all of a sudden I felt such a sense of community that I was overwhelmed by the faithfulness of a God who loves me so much and continues to instill in me a sense of belonging. As we've literally and figuratively unpacked our lives here, we've seen how God has allowed us to bring with us those relationships we've held dear for years while still leaving us open and our hearts available for the blessing of new friends. Even in recent weeks, God has surprised me with the creative ways in which He continues to bring new friends across my path...but that's another post for another day. :) I am learning to continuously live in expectation of the new things God is working in and around me, remembering that no matter how long I have lived in one place, He is always wanting to do something new and desiring that I be watchful enough to be aware of those "roadways in the wilderness" and "rivers in the desert". :)<br />
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<i>"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." (Hebrews 10:23)</i><br />
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<i>"The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it." (1 Thessalonians 5:24)</i><br />
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<i>"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." (Psalm 5:3)</i><br />
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<i>"God said, 'I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go...I will not leave you unil I have done what I have promised you.'" (Genesis 28:15)</i><br />
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<i>"Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." (Psalm 9:10)</i><br />
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<i>"The Lord will guide you always, he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." (Isaiah 58:11)</i><br />
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<i>"This God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end." (Psalm 48:14) <3 </i><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlJHTdi1etH7hJlwlL7nTrp-sA95zA4Y1WTUEiR22hHG5hXY7VKKyUTf8tuDcLkUgY3j3NC1P4eQvOMtL5UYvA_3msPuxuwFyKaur1c75YzvOo8nd57wic0aXgKL3QRTy481PWdLaPH0rI/s1600/DSC_0015.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlJHTdi1etH7hJlwlL7nTrp-sA95zA4Y1WTUEiR22hHG5hXY7VKKyUTf8tuDcLkUgY3j3NC1P4eQvOMtL5UYvA_3msPuxuwFyKaur1c75YzvOo8nd57wic0aXgKL3QRTy481PWdLaPH0rI/s320/DSC_0015.JPG" t$="true" width="320" /></a></div><div align="center">(At least "someone" was comfortable in all the chaos one year ago today.)</div><div align="center">:)</div><br />
<div align="center"></div>Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-84146410741507684712011-06-01T14:35:00.000-07:002012-08-29T05:41:02.286-07:00To pursue and be pursued...I am terrified of this post. It is one that I have been working out in my head for a few months now, but it was today that God placed the frame around the ideas that have been till now undefined and scattered in my mind. I have no idea why distant memories from long ago, which most days seem like pages from a stranger's life, would surface today from what seemed like out of the blue or why God would require me to be so vulnerable with areas that I'd prefer stayed sheltered. However, when my hands shake from the rush of adrenaline caused by words that must be said, and when my heart feels a burden that can only be lifted by laying down what God has placed upon it...I write.<br />
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Our daughter turned 13 this year. The days of being a mom to a teenage daughter have always seemed so far off in the distant future that I've found myself quite unprepared for the actuality of the far, distant future now suddenly being the present. Hannah Joy is a gift. For many reasons she is a gift, but today the enormity of the gift I have been given in her by God is overwhelming. He has entrusted her to me to help mold her into the young lady that He's created her to be. Despite my own failures both past and present. Despite my shortcomings. He gave her to me. And so I know that not a shred of what God has brought me through can be squandered. I know that my brokenness is of value when it is Christ who has lovingly put me back together. <i> </i><br />
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<i>"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, so that the extraordinary power belongs to God and does not come from us." (2 Corinthians 4:7)</i></div>
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When Hannah was little, she pursued me. What little girl doesn't want to be where her mom is, doing what her mom is doing? I think in my naivety as a young mom, I often took this forgranted. Not thinking ahead toward a day when she wouldn't be so close on my heels, as near as my next breath every time I turned. That day is here, and I am finding that it is my turn to pursue her. To be the one seeking her out on the days when she feels unlovable, recognizing the odds are that I am at times no longer her natural choice to seek out on those days. To be engaged enough in the matters of her heart to know whether it is Christ that has captured her heart, or something else entirely. <br />
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<i>"Guard, through the Holy Spirit who dwells in us, the treasure which has been entrusted to you." </i></div>
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<i>(2 Timothy 1:14)</i></div>
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It would have been easy (and preferred) for me to leave this post as only pertaining to my relationship with Hannah. My pursuit of Hannah, instead has been the motivation to allow God to pry even deeper to the most unreachable and ugly areas of my heart that until today, I thought no longer existed. Not for the purposes of leaving me broken and exposed, but to continue to reveal to me the extent of His own pursuit of me.<br />
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As many girls do, I struggled with insecurities growing up. Unfortunately, sometimes those insecurities led me to make unwise or harmful choices. While my deepest heart's desire was to feel loved, accepted and known, it was at times those very choices that caused me to feel the opposite. Unlovable, rejected and not worth being known. <br />
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It was in this state that my future husband would find me. Why God sent him to me when He did, and why He allowed Matt to see beyond what I had become, to the woman I could be, I may never know. What I do know, is that Matt has been and is still an integral part of God's plan to rescue me.<br />
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For too long I spent myself pursuing and never being able to lay hold of the acceptance I craved. My pursuits instead left me feeling ashamed, ugly and ruined. It was these feelings in fact that overwhelmed my mind today and caused me to really acknowledge whether I have fully allowed God to wipe clean the record of wrongs I've built up against myself. Or have I simply buried them deep, giving lies the authority to still define me in my weaker moments? <br />
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I question God at times, wondering why He would allow me to make such choices in my ignorance that would leave me broken and require the relentless pursuit of a husband who longs for me to see what he sees. I don't have the answers to any of those questions today. I simply feel the need to acknowledge the amazing blessing of the man that God sent to me, who waited for me, while still pursuing me with all his heart, hoping to capture mine. I find it astounding that he still endeavors to pursue me in the same way nearly 15 years later and frustrate myself at the inadequacies that cause me to fall short of the wife he needs or deserves. But I guess thats the point...God too has loved me at my most unlovable, for no other reason than He chose to love me. I have nothing to offer Him and have done nothing to deserve His sacrifice on my part. God continues to give me a tangible picture of this, as so often Matt sacrifices his own desires for mine.<br />
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<i>"This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." (1 John 4:9-10)</i> </div>
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It is God's patience with me and His pursuit of me that show me He has created in me something of value. I think the weight I felt on my heart today was the desire for any who needed reminding of their value to know that there IS a God out there who is in relentless pursuit of His children and longs for us to see the worth He has created in us. <i> </i><br />
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<i>"The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance." (2 Peter 3:9) </i></div>
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<i>"What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off." (Matthew 18:12-13)</i></div>
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Prayer for Hannah</div>
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To always know fully every inch of you is loved</div>
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That the same One who formed you, also scattered the stars above</div>
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Your special purpose, you'll surely find as you whole-heartedly seek</div>
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To know the One who'll be strong when you feel so weak</div>
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Always remember you're the chosen daughter of a heavenly King</div>
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Live like the princess you are, never settling for a lesser thing</div>
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Life can be hard, sometimes the path becomes dim</div>
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Hunger for the Word, may your light be found in Him</div>
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His light in you will always be the beauty others see</div>
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The same beauty I pray you will always find in me</div>
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The prodigal's road for so long was my empty heart's choice</div>
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Seldom stopping to listen for the truth only found in my Father's voice</div>
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Pursue the passion He's given you deep within</div>
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There's a place in your heart that can only be filled by Him</div>
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Don't go it on your own thinking there must be a way</div>
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Don't fall for the lies that took me so far astray</div>
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There's only One who proved to you with a costly sacrifice</div>
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That your life to Him was more than worth the price</div>
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I pray that the good promised to come from my forgiven past</div>
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Will be your choice to love FIRST, the One who will last.</div>
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<i>"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)</i></div>
Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-44572626893026512932011-04-18T08:17:00.000-07:002011-04-18T08:17:30.937-07:00The end of myself...is the beginning.<i>"And I will lead the blind by a way they do not know, In paths they do not know I will guide them. I will make darkness into light before them and rugged places into plains. These are the things I will do, and I will not leave them undone." Isaiah 42:16</i><div><i><br />
</i></div><div> This promise, to not leave "undone", is the one and only reason I have not come "undone" in the last year and 19 days. 1 year. 19 days. 1 contract. 1 buyer. Some may say it would have happened eventually, it was only a matter of time. I feel a weight over my whole being to say it was only a matter of God. One of the verses from my last post continues to leap off the page at me as I've thought about just how to wrap up this whole "saga" of our waiting for the house we left behind to sell. <i>"All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God."</i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #4a2b14; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>2 Corinthians 4:15. </i>While my preference for "wrapping things up" usually requires no questions left unanswered and neat packaging complete with a pretty bow on top<i>, </i>I find myself in this moment content in the simplicity of this: <i>"for your benefit" </i>and <i>"cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God".</i> Eight months of paying two mortgages and over a year of uncertainty as to how long we would have to wait certainly took it's toll. We were brought literally to the point of not knowing how we could possibly do it for one more month...and then the wait was over. I could focus on the frustration of having to exhaust all our resources in the process, or dwell on the physical effects that the stress has had on my mind and body. But I have a choice. We always have a choice of what to allow our minds to dwell on. And I choose to dwell on the fact that we were brought to the end of ourselves and God took it from there. To be at the end of yourself is never a fun place to be, but the freedom that comes in admitting that something is too big for me and handing over the responsibility of it to God, rather than continuing to try to control things on my own is one of the greatest gifts I have ever experienced in being a child of God. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"> I'm gonna have to brag on my husband for a bit :)... I am married to a very capable man. I would be extremely hard pressed to come up with anything that I couldn't ultimately trust him with to accomplish when it comes to the good of our family. While in my human-ness I admit I have many times taken him for granted in the day to day, the truth in my heart knows that God made him for me and me for him. This, while being a tremendous blessing, can at times also be a downfall of mine. Too many times I foolishly put him in the place of God and force him to shoulder the burden while God's outstretched hand patiently waits for me to remember who God is and who Matt is not. It is for this reason that I believe God will continue to bring me to the end of myself. He causes my <i>"thanksgiving to overflow"</i> to His glory alone. He has surely done it! <i>"...I trust in the lovingkindness of God forever and ever. I will give Thee thanks forever, because Thou hast done it, And I will wait on Thy name, for it is good, in the presence of Thy godly ones." Psalm 52:8-9.</i> At the end of us, God waits to make up for our shortcomings, our weaknesses and accomplishes things in a way in which there is no other place for the glory to fall but on Him. <i>"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, THEN I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. </i>How gracious the Lord is (to our benefit!) when in return for the burdens He allows us to place at His feet, He only asks for our thanksgiving to be laid there as well! Most joyfully then will I give the glory to Him alone! Not only for the buyer He brought for our house, but for the way He has sustained our family through the waiting. <i>"Behold, God is my helper; The Lord is the sustainer of my soul...Willingly I will sacrifice to Thee; I will give thanks to Thy name, O Lord, for it is good." Psalm 54:4,6.</i></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"Shout for joy, O heavens, for the Lord has done it! Shout joyfully, you lower parts of the earth; break forth into a shout of joy, you mountains, O forest, and every tree in it..." Isaiah 44:23</i></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"I will go before you and make the rough places smooth; I will shatter the doors of bronze, and cut through their iron bars. And I will give you the treasures of darkness, and hidden wealth of secret places, In order that you may know that it is I, The Lord, the God of Israel, who calls you by your name...That men may know from the rising to the setting of the sun that there is no one besides Me. I am the Lord and there is no other." Isaiah 45:2-3,6</i></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For My own sake, for My own sake, I will act; for how can My name be profaned? And My glory I will not give to another." Isaiah 48:10-11</i></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"Indeed, the Lord will comfort Zion; He will comfort all her waste places. And her wilderness He will make like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord; Joy and gladness will be found in her, Thanksgiving and the sound of a melody." Isaiah 51:3</i></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
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</span></div>Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-64710562414762194252011-02-15T14:49:00.000-08:002011-02-15T14:49:57.616-08:00Silver LiningsI helplessly looked on as, right in front of me, the tires of the car my husband was driving left their grip on the pavement and started sliding sideways on the ice that had seemed like only slush moments ago. Time seemed to suspend and as if in slow motion, his car was carried over the hill and went careening down into a field near our house. I watched in horror for what felt like an eternity as I waited for his car to come to a stop and prayed it wouldn't flip over. It's weird that even now as I recall this memory weeks later that my hands are trembling.<br />
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We had left our house that morning, me following behind his car in my own, in order to drop mine off for some work to be done. Not to leave you in suspense or anything, :-) but Matt is totally fine and the car did not in fact flip over. You would think that this in and of itself would be the silver lining. God however, has been teaching me in this season of uncertainty to look much deeper for the ways in which He is trying to bless me even amidst the struggles.<br />
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I guess for this story to make sense I'll need to give a little background about the car to begin with....<br />
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As we are still waiting for our house in Maryland to sell, (one year and counting as of the beginning of this month) we decided that in order to ease a bit of our monthly financial burdens we would get rid of the car Matt was driving and trade it in for something less expensive. Less expensive turned out to be a car on ebay. In Chicago. :-) Anyone who knows my husband, also knows that if it's not an adventure, it's not worth doing. So off to Chicago he went. He was having reservations about the car before he even left the dealer but decided to go through with the purchase. On the 12 hour drive back to Virginia, issue after issue seemed to come up making him even more anxious about the reliability of this car for the long term. So he gets it back home and after a ridiculously long, complicated dance with the DMV the car is, for better or worse, legal. <br />
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Wouldn't you know that JUST the week previous to the accident we had raised our collision deductible, also in an effort to save money. It definitely would have been easy to let my thoughts "camp out" on this idea alone. It certainly has been a struggle for me in some areas to remain positive when my natural tendency can be to lean toward the negative and dwell on it at times. But God had an almost ironic silver lining tucked carefully in this story. :-) One that my husband and I couldn't help but get a chuckle from. When we got the call from the garage about all that would need to be fixed on his car, do you know what was on that list? Every single item that Matt had been concerned about with the car previously! Now, not that it's not a strain to try to scrape together the deductible...but I can't help but notice the blessing of having all the issues with the car fixed for much less than we would have had to pay outright. And the added blessing that the reliability of the car in the long-run will be more likely.<br />
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This is just a silly illustration of something much bigger that I think God tries to teach His children in every circumstance. Sometimes we take the time to stop and look for what He's doing in the midst of trials, even if we don't understand them. Being willing to ride them out and wait for God to accomplish His bigger picture. At other times, we want to rush through the trial, never looking to the left or right, only focused on figuring our own way out of what we never wanted to be in to begin with. It's when I rush through the tough spots that I miss the little gifts tucked in along the way as reminders that God's eyes are always on me, and He knows just how much I can take, will never give me more than He'll equip me to handle, and will always, if I am willing, make me a better person who is better able to accomplish His purpose for my life BECAUSE of the tough spot, not in spite of it. <br />
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<i>"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed...All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:7-9, 15-18)</i><br />
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<i>"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore He will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!...He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you." (Isaiah 30:18-19)</i><br />
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<i>"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." </i> <i>(James 1:17)</i>Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-6329270486397449202010-12-16T15:28:00.000-08:002010-12-16T15:28:14.033-08:00If I had known... If I had known last December that 10 months after putting our house in Maryland on the market that it would still be sitting there, empty...would I be sitting here today? If I had known last December that we would have been making two house payments for going on 5 months now, would I be sitting here...right in the middle of where we believe God meant for our family to be?<br />
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It was about this time last year, just 2 days before Christmas, that Matt came home and turned my comfortable world, as I knew it, upside down. With thoughts toward a transition at work and a move to Virginia for our family, the coming months seemed full of uncertainty at a time when I was ready to just relax and enjoy the peacefulness and joy that this season brings. With a peace not my own, I supported Matt in his decisions surrounding his job and the move. <br />
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Now a year later, that peace seems to have at times in the last few days packed up and run as far from me as possible. I tend to be fairly laid back about most things, so the anxiety and almost panic-like symptoms that have gripped me at the most random of times make me frustrated with myself when I can't just "talk myself out of it" or just decide to not let what I'm feeling have a physical effect on me. The pain and tightness that seem to grab hold of my heart and squeeze relentlessly make me feel out of control. I don't want to ever pretend like I have all the answers (or ANY for that matter!) or that it's ever easy to just simply make the choice to trust...if these past few days have taught me anything, it's that I am as vulnerable to completely losing it as I ever was. However, I have to say, attitude and my choice to view things in light of how I'm so very blessed, even amidst difficult circumstance, makes all the difference in the world. I remember last Christmas my father-in-law reading an excerpt from a book that talked about an "attitude of gratitude". I have many times in this past year reflected on that idea and seen how God's faithfulness is always evident when we choose to see our circumstance through His promise to give us a future and a hope. "'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'" (Jeremiah 29:11)<br />
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If someone had told me, many years ago when Matt first broached the idea of moving to Lynchburg, that I would be living there today and absolutely filled to the brim with excitement over being there, the love for this place as deeply rooted in my own heart as it was his, I would have told that someone that they were certifiably insane and to go tell their tall tales elsewhere! Yet here I sit...in love with the city that the name of which literally used to make my blood boil everytime it would cross my husband's lips. I'd like to say that back then I had prayed for God to change my heart to be united with the dreams of the man whom God had given me. I did not. I prayed instead that God would work in Matt and remind him that I was staying put! And that when Matt did come to his senses, I'd be able to forgive him and put all these hair-brained ideas behind us. :-) How grateful I am that God instead worked on my own heart, even while I was trying my best to selfishly stamp out any thought of a desire other than my own. He proved Himself faithful, even when He shouldn't have had to, that if He had a plan other than my own, He would change my own heart's desires to reflect His own, enabling me to be more blessed than was ever possible in my limited view of what I wanted. "Trust in the Lord, and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He will do it." (Psalm 37:3-5) <br />
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Right now the desire of my heart is for our house in Maryland to sell. The stress of it sometimes overwhelms me. Its never fun to feel like you're being stretched to your limit with no view of, or plan for relief in sight. I have no earthly idea why God would have allowed this financial burden to have continued to this point. Or why other desires He has placed so deep in our hearts have to, as a result, be put on hold. But what I do know, what I cling to, is that He IS faithful. "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful." (Hebrews 10:23) I am blessed beyond measure. His changing of my heart in this one instance is only one of hundreds that I could testify to if I choose to reflect on His blessings instead of circumstance that can at times overwhelm and threaten to steal my joy. "Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus...Faithful is He who calls you..." (I Thessalonians 5:16-18, 24)<br />
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"You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fulness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." (Psalm 16:11) Matt read this verse last week in our family devotional time and it caused me to reflect on the journey that our family has been on, for years really. The path has at times been a winding one, far from direct and it has sometimes been difficult to see just where we're headed through the shadows that loom across the path in places. At other times it has felt as if we're wandering without a clear purpose. Then there have been times when God has given such a clear vision of where we're headed that it's been easy to tie up our laces and run head on into where He's leading, only to be stopped short by an unexpected detour. Through it all God has been faithful to continue to reveal the path to us, sometimes in just inches at a time. I can honestly say though, as I reflect on this past year in particular, that we have found "fulness of joy" and "pleasures forevermore"...in a plan not of my own, but of His design for our lives to be ones of abundant joy. <br />
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In this season which gives us so many opportunities to reflect on the great Gift that has been given, I urge you to choose gratitude and joy over distress and darkness. At the suggestion of my brother-in-law, as a way to unite our family while we look forward to being together over Christmas, I've been reading thru a series of Advent devotionals entitled "Journey to the Manger". While I must admit that I have hurriedly read thru some to just keep up with the days, this one in particular struck me as it spoke to the perspective I was desperate to regain in my moments of anxiety in the past few days. To give credit where credit is due, this particular one was written by Peter Kuzmic and reflects on the words in Isaiah 9:1-7.<br />
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<em>"But there will be no more gloom for her who was in anguish; in earlier times He treated the land of Zebulun and the land of Naphtali with contempt, but later on He shall make it glorious, by the way of the sea on the other side of Jordan, Galilee of the Gentiles. The people who walk in darkness will see a great light; Those who live in a dark land, the light will shine on them. Thou shalt multiply the nation, Thou shalt increase their gladness; They will be glad in Thy presence as with the gladness of harvest, as men rejoice when they divide the spoil. For Thou shalt break the yoke of their burden and the staff on their shoulders. The rod of their oppressor, as at the battle of Midian. For every boot of the booted warrior in the battle tumult, and cloak rolled in blood, will be for burning, fuel for the fire. For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us; and the government will rest on His shoulders; and His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace. There will be no end to the increase of His government or of peace, On the throne of David and over His kingdom, to establish it and to uphold it with justice and righteousness from then on and forevermore. The zeal of the Lord of hosts will accomplish this." (Isaiah 9:1-7)</em><br />
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<em> </em>"Isaiah saw more than he could fully grasp, for his own boundaries of understanding were transcended by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Apart from the divine light, people live in 'distress and darkness' (Isaiah 8:22 and 9:2), but the great prophetic insight is that God is willing and capable of changing our human circumstances and transforming the situation by replacing the 'shadow of death' with the 'dawning of light' (9:2). The coming of light brings with it much joy and abundance (9:3). Light, joy and abundance speak of freedom from oppression. The ultimate deliverance comes with the birth of a saving ruler, the Son of God. Royal titles ascribed to this 'light and child/son' clearly point to his deity (9:6). He is the source of all wisdom and power, fatherly love and is the ultimate peacemaker. The final result of his deliverance and rule is harmony of peace and justice. Just what our world needs!"<br />
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...and just what I needed. <3 May this Christmas be one in which you revel in the greatest Gift ever given, the only Gift capable of making our joy full beyond measure, regardless of circumstance. <em>Merry</em> Christmas, indeed!<br />
Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-61926483874159517772010-11-15T13:01:00.000-08:002010-11-15T13:01:19.520-08:00Knickers and Knowing Who I AmSomewhere between Maryland and Virginia, I lost a little bit of who I am. This is slightly disconcerting as Maryland and Virginia border each other, and seeing as there are no states in between....where could those bits of me gone?! :-) Of all the things I had worried might be lost in the move, my identity certainly wasn't one of them!<br />
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Having no background or history in a new place has kind of made me feel like I have to find my identity all over again. Or worse, be "identified" as something I'm not, maybe because of a bad first impression. Before the move, I wouldn't have given much thought to what it was that actually "defined" me, but after the move, in a place where I can no longer be defined by what someone already knows of me, I've found myself feeling less secure in situations that I would have normally felt very confident in. When you start a new job, someone has already seen your resume, they know what you've done before and what you're capable of. When you start a new life in a new place, there's nothing that goes before you to prepare the way and let people know whether you're a normal, contributing member of society or a fugitive running from the law...ok, that's a slightly exaggerated extreme, but you get my point! The things that defined me before, for all intents and purposes, virtually vanished when I left behind the place where I had a past. To some, that might have been a relief, but quite frankly, I enjoyed the identity I had before the move and felt mighty comfy in it thank you very much! :-)<br />
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I think this whole "identity crisis" might explain my mini breakdown a few weeks back...<br />
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Sam had a field trip coming up in which he had to dress up in Colonial attire. Matt was going along on the field trip and was also expected to dress up. (be patient, I promise to include a picture at the end ;-)) The day of the field trip dawns and Matt realizes he doesn't quite have all he needs for a costume. Due to a lack of communication on both our parts, I had come up short in meeting his expectations surrounding the securing of appropriate Colonial attire for the men in my family. :-) My "good friend", the over-achieving woman in Proverbs 31, springs to mind..."The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life." (Prov. 31:11-12) Yeah, well, easy for her! She hasn't just moved and had to start all over, having her mind cluttered with so many details that what once came so easily, now requires many lists and reminders! :-) It's ok, you can unashamedly laugh at me now, I won't be offended...I, thankfully, can at least let one corner of my mouth lift when I think back to my tantrum-like response to Matt's unmet expectations. (NO picture to follow ;-)) What normally would have (hopefully) slid right off my back, instead sent me into such a tizzy that it was my poor children who scrambled around to help their dad find what he could to be "Colonialized". <br />
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Reflecting back on it, I think it was my loss of identity in other areas that made it so hard for me to just brush it off and move on. With the bits of me that I did lose in the move, at least I had (or so I thought) maintained the parts of my identity that I treasure most, that of being a wife to Matt and a mom to Hannah and Sam. I normally take great satisfaction in the fact that I'm able to anticipate the needs of my family and usually meet them without even having to be asked. When I felt as if I had failed in that, it rattled me because I had forgotten (maybe not so much forgotten as neglected to remember) that there is an even bigger part of my identity that can never be shaken...<br />
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I am a child of God. <br />
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In the unsettled-ness and lack of surety in this life, there is <em>always</em> that. Our identity will always shift and change when it is other people who are looking at us...and how could we <em>not</em> let insecurity creep in if it is by others that we define ourselves? My identity will only be secure when I let my significance and value lie in <em>whose</em> I am, not <em>who</em> I am. <br />
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<div style="text-align: left;">"See how great a love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called children of God" (1 John 3:1)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!" (Isaiah 43:1)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">"The Lord your God has chosen you...to be His people, His treasured possession" (Deuteronomy 7:6)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am slowly, but surely finding again the bits and pieces of the "lesser" things that used to define me as I risk letting those I meet see the real me. While it is always a risk to put your true self out there for all the world to see and define, I have also found that there is always a reward. :-)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future." :-) (Proverbs 31:25)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div align="center" style="text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEib7Qb5NUrNBtJwonS_ipOmU221aLc26yxg5Yv3-W9u2HsYFUl7XuG5X_t2TLjLUvScvm2g5EulMaLJEKnlQC4ZJ_iq7e7yczBXBlVhyphenhyphenUWXcaPCEA7H4FnZgyg5VOBvdYPtG-f6Qoc5VmTb/s1600/DSC_0041.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" px="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEib7Qb5NUrNBtJwonS_ipOmU221aLc26yxg5Yv3-W9u2HsYFUl7XuG5X_t2TLjLUvScvm2g5EulMaLJEKnlQC4ZJ_iq7e7yczBXBlVhyphenhyphenUWXcaPCEA7H4FnZgyg5VOBvdYPtG-f6Qoc5VmTb/s320/DSC_0041.JPG" width="212" /></a></div> <div style="text-align: center;">(Now, I have always been one to enjoy the comforts of the times in which we live, <em>however</em>, if I had seen this man in knickers back in the day, I certainly would still go weak in the knees as I do today.) ;-)</div><div style="text-align: center;"></div>Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-16239894379363614812010-11-03T08:37:00.000-07:002010-11-03T08:37:31.218-07:00"You've Got Mail" Something amazing happened last Friday. With anticipation I walked down to the end of my driveway, opened a little, black door...and found mail!! This may not seem like something to be too overly excited or surprised about, I mean everyone gets mail delivered to them, right? Doesn't our Declaration of Independence go something like this?..."We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness...<em>oh, and the right to receive mail at your place of residence</em>." :-) Well, it has been 90 long days since we have had any mail delivered to our mailbox.<br />
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Warning to anyone who is looking for some grand revelation in my journey of discovery after our recent move. :-) This post has absolutely nothing to do with any growth or emotional breakthrough on my part. These are just some random, inconsequential musings...because quite frankly, all deep thinking must at some point be interrupted by randomness, however else would we all keep our sanity?<br />
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When we moved into our newly built home on July 29th, our builders were planning to put up our mailbox for us. So I made a trip to our post office to find out if there were any guidelines the builders should follow in putting up the mailbox. For instance, which side of the driveway it should be on, which side of the road it should be on, etc. Little did I know I would continue to make this trip for a full 3 months! <br />
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I was told by our post master that we weren't "allowed" to put our mailbox up yet because in a new, rural neighborhood the government had to do surveys and studies into what would be the most cost effective and "efficient" way of getting mail to the new neighborhood. This process included paperwork going back and forth between the developer of the neighborhood and the post master, (paperwork of which I might add, kept getting lost by the post office and had to be resubmitted by the developer) the route having to be driven by someone conducting the "study/survey", and the amount and type of mail coming into the post office for new residents of the neighborhood having to be analyzed and counted to come out with an average rate and type of mail received by aforementioned new residents. (huh? :-)) We were told that the reason the mailbox couldn't be put up yet was that the government needed to await the results of the survey to determine whether we'd need to share a post with our neighbor, have our own post or simply just have to keep making the drive to the post office daily.<br />
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So I continued to make the 4 mile drive to the post office, which was in the opposite direction of anywhere else I ever went, while I waited for the government to do it's work...I need to mention here that within the first week of moving in we had deliveries made straight to our door by both privately owned FedEx and UPS (shout out to our friends who work for each of these companies :-)). Last week we finally got the call from the United States Post Office that we had the go ahead to put up our mailbox. What were the specific instructions as to how and where we should put it up as per the extensive studying and surveying that had been going on for the past 3 months you ask? "Eh, put it where ever you want, just be sure your name and house number are on the box so the mail carrier will know who's mail should be delivered there." (side bar: there are currently 3 total, count them, 1, 2, 3, houses in our neighborhood :-)) <br />
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I'm left to ponder just how much exactly all this surveying and studying cost...and question whether this is really the picture of efficiency? Final thought of the day on my random musings...in the bigger picture, of things more consequential than whether or not I have to make the drive to the post office everyday, will we as a country ultimately benefit as a whole from more or less government in our day to day lives? Just sayin'. ;-)<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkKPx4AeEzRIicx1C_fxjKpwdPMKKBR3AD7kwySHshUSKjfMLLLssgxli8U8D1HO3UFw-ysSk8qdp38fG0rbEsZW3gBwzplYcsjEutiQhc7_Zd9ZZ7EOdtVm-2pdhnzsnz7QGxbgR2W9I9/s1600/DSC_0070.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" px="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkKPx4AeEzRIicx1C_fxjKpwdPMKKBR3AD7kwySHshUSKjfMLLLssgxli8U8D1HO3UFw-ysSk8qdp38fG0rbEsZW3gBwzplYcsjEutiQhc7_Zd9ZZ7EOdtVm-2pdhnzsnz7QGxbgR2W9I9/s320/DSC_0070.JPG" width="212" /></a></div><div align="center">Don't take the little things for granted :-)</div>Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-83465542103378837882010-10-22T08:19:00.000-07:002010-10-22T08:19:09.633-07:00"Hey, Johanna..." You know when you get a new pair of shoes and you're excited about wearing the new shoes? You bought them because they stood out on the shelf to you for some reason, they'll go great with that outfit you've been waiting to wear, they even have that great, new shoe smell...(which is much preferred to that "old shoe smell") :-). Then you get dressed in the morning and when you put on your shoes, you choose the old pair. The comfortable pair. The worn-in pair with the sole that fits your foot perfectly. Because you know you won't come home at the end of the day with blisters or sore feet. You know what to expect from your old shoes, they've walked with you before...<br />
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I found myself feeling this way last week. Longing for the comfort of the "old", and feeling like I wanted a break from the "new". I love the "new"....but sometimes the "new" takes more effort than the "old". Instead of going to the class I normally go to on Wednesdays, which is specifically for those who are new, I chose the old...the 10-year-old who has known me all his life. We had dinner and it was lovely. :-) It's not like me to miss something on The Schedule, I put that in caps because in my orderly brain, once something is on The Schedule, or I'm supposed to do it, it usually takes a lot for me to deviate from the already made plan. I don't just decide to not go somewhere or to not do something because I don't feel like it. Last Wednesday though, I just played hooky. And I think that was ok. It was rejeuvinating to sit and talk with Sam, who may only be 10, but who was also the only person around me that day who has known me for 10 years. It was comfortable, and sometimes tired feet need the comfort of old shoes.<br />
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The next evening, the kids and I had stopped for a quick bite to eat after soccer practice and as we were getting ready to leave I hear, "Hey, Johanna..." My first thought is that <em>surely</em> there's someone else in Chick-fil-a named Johanna because I don't know enough people around here yet to happen to have the coincidence of bumping into one of them while I'm out. And silly as it may be to say, that's actually one of the harder parts of being "new"...in the "old", I loved the fact that there weren't very many places I could go <em>without </em>running into someone I knew. (aside from the times when I might have run out of the house still in my pj's for one reason or another...those were times I didn't mind not seeing anyone I knew) Anyway, turns out someone <em>had </em>in fact recognized me and was saying hello to me. Funny how it's sometimes the little things that feel so big just when you need it. (Thank you, Becky :-)) The little things that continue to make it worth it to keep trying on the new shoes, even walking in them a bit, till they're just as comfortable as the old shoes. After all, my favorite pair of shoes today were once new as well. :-)<br />
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As wonderful as it is to be known and called by my name by someone who recognizes me when I'm out, how much more amazing when I think about how the God of the universe also knows my name, and calls out to me (Isaiah 45:2-3), desiring that I would acknowledge Him and allow Him to meet my needs perfectly whatever they might be. And He hasn't just known me a mere 10 years, but even before I was born He knew me! (Psalm 139) He knew what my name would be, where I would be in this very moment, and that it would be He, Himself who would be the perfect fit for everything I lacked. He doesn't desire that I merely<em> be </em>comfortable, He <em>is </em>my comfort. (2 Corinthians 1:3)<br />
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"I will go before you and make the rough places smooth; I will shatter the doors of bronze, and cut through their iron bars. And I will give you the treasures of darkness, and hidden wealth of secret places, in order that you may know that it is I, the Lord, the God of Israel, who calls you by your name." Isaiah 45:2-3<br />
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"O Lord, Thou hast searched me and known me...For Thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Thy works, and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from Thee, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth. Thine eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Thy book they were all written, the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them. How precious also are Thy thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would out-number the sand. When I awake, I am still with Thee." Psalm 139:1,13-18<br />
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"Blessed be the God and Father, of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVQsegsPh8crv4W8SVuA9Ytt71Tl9y_PM8UkeN-moLSiIyykG-fJTjDGtjRX8ewDJUI-cpWHxMB_JnoXchUeQM5neGCEtRvlTaR5oaTzhxR91wXBwWgpFUR3bat3UrMz5TaEf8rlpzG5hE/s1600/DSC_0081.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" nx="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVQsegsPh8crv4W8SVuA9Ytt71Tl9y_PM8UkeN-moLSiIyykG-fJTjDGtjRX8ewDJUI-cpWHxMB_JnoXchUeQM5neGCEtRvlTaR5oaTzhxR91wXBwWgpFUR3bat3UrMz5TaEf8rlpzG5hE/s320/DSC_0081.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div align="center"></div>Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-13679043342176654342010-10-08T09:21:00.000-07:002010-10-08T09:21:12.163-07:00If home is where the heart is...when will my heart realize my body has already moved? Last week was difficult. Tragedy struck those we were once in community with, in the place we used to call "home". It was an "in your face" kind of reminder that we're sort of in limbo here. Unable to go back and "weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15), unable to share the story here with someone who would know the background and feel the pain as deep. <br />
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What is to be learned when you balance the truth that we are called to be in close relationship with each other, with the reality that those close relationships don't just happen with a snap of the fingers but take time to grow and develop? How exactly, does one let go enough of relationships in the past in order to develop new ones with those around them today? And in the letting go, where is the security and comfort of a good friend found while you wait for the time it takes to develop all over what you already had? These are all questions I didn't think I'd be asking. <br />
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We, as a family, have never had such excitement or expectation over a move until this one. We have moved plenty of times before, but all for seemingly practical reasons...this was impractical...we felt drawn here. Well, to be fair, my husband was drawn here...I was perfectly content to be bolted to the ground where I stood. Through both the patience of my Heavenly Father and the husband He gave me, my heart was softened as well and we were able to eagerly anticipate and excitedly plan this next stage of our lives together. Our kids could not have transitioned more smoothly, which for anyone who has moved with kids knows, this is a major blessing! The physical place in which we now live and all that surrounds it leaves us wanting for nothing when it comes to our day to day lives here. The void I feel over leaving such dear friends seems like such an odd contrast to me. <br />
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The book I'm reading through, "After The Boxes Are Unpacked: Moving On After Moving In" written by Susan Miller, talks about the differences of cherishing and clinging to what was in the past. I struggled to quite understand how this applied to me, of course I cherish those friends I left behind. But how am I clinging to them? If I was clinging to them, wouldn't I have fought against leaving in the first place? I'm not talking about 6-7 years ago when my husband first brought up the idea of this move...because<em> boy</em> did I fight against leaving anything back then! I was clinging to anything possible, including the lie that where I find my true security lies without instead of within. <br />
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Literally, as I type, I feel this idea clarifying itself. Maybe the clinging is in my desire to find another Elise, another Michelle, another Tara, or Angie, or Scot & Dee, or Brandi, or Janice, or...the list could go on and on because there are so many that God has placed in my life who I have been so blessed to call friend. Really though, how could I ever find "another" of any of them? Those were ones God hand-picked for a particular time, a particular purpose...and today, in a new season, what is the purpose that He is trying to accomplish in me? And why would our God who is so creative and so surprising, choose to work in an expected way, to accomplish something unexpected? Maybe my clinging is in the expectation that who He sends today will be a cookie-cutter version of what He sent yesterday. Of course there are so many who I will cherish no matter where this life takes us and how far we go...but to cling...to cling is to leave my fists tightly closed, unable to grasp the new blessings God desires to place in an open hand.<br />
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There was an interesting quote in the book I'm reading, taken from another book actually, "A Place For You", written by Paul Tournier..."I thought of the trapeze artists, swinging on their trapezes high up under the dome of the circus tent. They let go of one trapeze just at the right moment, to hover for a moment in the void before catching hold of the other trapeze. As you watch, you identify yourself with them and experience the anxiety of the middle of the way, when they have let go of their first support and have not yet seized the second...What is the force that holds men back, which prevents them from letting go of what they would like to let go? It is the middle-of-the-way anxiety. It is the void in which they are going to find themselves before being able to seize a new support. All this to say, we must always be letting go...leaving one place in order to find another, abandoning one support in order to reach the next, turning our backs on the past in order to thrust wholeheartedly toward the future." <br />
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My heart beats faster as I read that quote again. What a perfect illustration for where I find myself emotionally! That "middle-of-the-way anxiety", to "hover for a moment in the void"...So, it's ok to "hover", to feel for a moment that I don't belong, to feel the void of what I have let go, to feel the fear of what may or may not come to replace it. I am normal. THIS is normal. This is my new normal. :-) I will "hover". With an open hand. As I wait for God to fill it...<br />
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"And indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; For He has prepared a city for them." Hebrews 11:15-16<br />
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"Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14<br />
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My joy is full and my hope is renewed!! Where else but in the truths of God's word can we find help for our every need, strength for our every weakness?...God can meet us right where we are, with words put on a page so long ago, their power does not come because they were written with man's hand, but because they are God's words, given to us! Can you imagine? God's thoughts toward us! If you haven't read them lately, as I myself so often neglect to do, read them, soak up the comfort He longs to give. If you don't know the One who loves you so much that He gave up His own life just to save yours, seek to know Him today! There is no lasting hope other than Him when we are bogged down with the cares of life that weigh so heavily on us. I am in the "void", the "middle-of-the-way", and there are days when the loneliness here threatens to steal the hope that God has us where we are for a purpose...but then there are <em>days</em>, days like today, when He meets me where I am and reminds me there is no void in which He is not present. <br />
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"For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one also hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. And in the same way the Spirit also helps our weaknesses; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose...What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him, freely give us all things?" Romans 8:24-28, 31-32<br />
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Someday my heart will realize my body is already here in Virginia and loving it. :-) I do not know the means by which we shall be reunited, or those that God will use to convince my heart that it can feel at home here....but what is hope if it can already be seen?...Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-23690194241397888442010-09-30T14:39:00.000-07:002010-09-30T14:39:32.015-07:00Nesting: Apparently NOT just for pregnant women What would possess someone to wake up one morning and decide she must have the most organized attic and basement storage area in all the land?!? I can remember a general need, when expecting our children, to have everything in order and also remember reading in some books that this was somewhat normal...but aside from that, where does this compulsion for everything to be "just so" come from? And in the areas where no one sees no less?!<br />
Now, I'm not talking shuffling a few boxes here and there or putting away summer clothes in exchange for cooler weather clothes...I'm talking total reorganization of all the things we <em>don't</em> use on a daily basis...and at the risk of great peril I might add. Which brings me to ask...just <em>who</em>, pray tell, <em>ever</em> decided that those pull down attic ladders that come down from the ceiling are up to any kind of safety code or standard?! I was hoisting boxes and random cumbersome items (that I had no business even lifting to move from one side of the room to the other) and hauling them out of the basement, up two flights of stairs and then up this rickety, folding ladder that's barely wider than <em>one </em>of my feet nevermind both of them. I don't want to put all the blame on the ladder though, it of course has to be narrow because the hole in the ceiling is narrow, which means I couldn't lift these boxes and such in any kind of normal way and support them with the whole of my body. Instead, I was having to balance them on my head or hold them over my head, if they were light enough, while leaning forward so as not to fall backwards off the ladder, while twisting them in every kind of manner to try to maneuver them thru the hole in the ceiling. If that weren't tricky enough, every once in a while my big toe would get caught in the leg of my sweatpants and I'd have to somehow try to extricate my toe while balancing the box and my body on the ladder. It was in one of those moments when I had to ask myself just how I thought I'd make any new friends if my face was split from forehead to chin in a headfirst fall off an attic ladder...<br />
I have noticed in myself the tendancy that when I feel unsettled <em>internally</em> to try to settle things <em>externally. </em>At times it seems easier to unpack another box or to organize another closet than to really reflect on why I'm feeling so emotionally unsettled and to then ask God and also trust Him to "organize my insides". I'm not sure where the idea comes from that if we're put together on the outside, it doesn't matter how we're falling apart on the inside. <br />
My compulsive reorganizing has been a good reminder to me this week about the importance of transparency, whether you're the new person or the one who has been in a place for years and feels at home where you are. Afterall, it is the heart which God looks at and not how we appear on the outside. (or how organized your basement is) :-) "...for God sees not as man sees, for the man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (I Samuel 16:7) Shouldn't we also then wear our hearts on our sleeves so to speak? So that others can know how to come alongside us and to feel as well the freedom and safety of being their own true selves? I cannot extend that freedom to someone by telling them how so and so struggles with this or that. I need to let them know how<em> I</em> personally struggle, what makes me feel unsettled on the inside. Then maybe, they will feel secure in letting the unsettledness within make it's way out and to know that their struggles aren't just a prayer request that I'll share with someone else or a reason to be judged by another, but a way to find something in common, together...because really, if we're honest, aren't we all a little unsettled and disorganized within?<br />
Those who know me well probaly also know that I will always have some sort of obsessive compulsion or other when it comes to organizing or keeping things neat...so don't call me on it if you see me remaking the bed after my husband has already made it (even though it may make me late in the mornings...and yes, I DO feel the need to make the bed before I leave the house in the a.m.) because I like the pillows to be just so, or if you're here for dinner and the food is getting cold because I have to clean the kitchen before I can sit down to eat. :-) However, I do resolve, in those moments when the need to have order around me is so distracting that I miss the joy in the day to day, to take the time to figure out what's really going on instead of risking life and limb on an attic ladder. :-)<br />
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"For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal." II Corinthians 4:17-18<br />
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"And let not your adornment be merely external...but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God." I Peter 3:4Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-74029930614210756232010-09-22T14:30:00.000-07:002010-09-22T14:30:19.296-07:00One person CAN make a difference So there I was, at the orientation for the kid's new school looking lost as ever, if I had passed a mirror I probably would have seen a sign on my forehead attesting to the fact that I was new and had no clue about what I was doing or where I should go. There were a few who pointed me in this direction or that direction and plenty who offered a welcome or kind word...but there was one who sought me out even after orientation was over and extended an invitation...<br />
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Since that first invitation there have been many others as this one continued to extend herself in order to make me feel welcome and less overwhelmed with all that was new and sometimes confusing. From practical things like how to find places and where to park, to more personal things like a cook-out at her home and lunch out, she was a known face in a sea of many who sought me out and made me feel like I didn't have to figure out everthing on my own.<br />
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Her sacrifice, and I do believe she made a sacrifice of her own comfort for the chance of making me more comfortable, will be one in which is first and foremost on my mind when I find myself at orientation next year. Hopefully, not so lost and not so clueless, I'll be able to reach out to another with the same "sign" on her forehead as this one did for me and help her to see that feeling at "home" in a new place is closer than she thinks. Thank you Sondra. :-)<br />
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There is One who made the ultimate sacrifice for us. Laying down His own comfort, His own life even, so that we could spend eternity at "home" with Him. He too extends an invitation to us. I was blessed with the reminder, on a human level, of just how big a difference ONE can make. <br />
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"But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places, in Christ Jesus, in order that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus." Ephesians 2:4-7Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-79982001965184513222010-09-22T11:49:00.001-07:002010-09-22T13:40:31.375-07:00Unknown...or am I?- 9/15/10<br />
I love it here. I love everything about being here. I love our house, the kid's school, the church we've been going to, the community, the fact that people on the highway actually move over for you when you're trying to merge. :-) I love it here, but some days I feel very alone. I've cried on 3 out of a total of 8 Sundays that we've been here because those are the days that seem to remind me the most that this doesn't always feel like "home" yet. I long for the beginning of just one dear friendship with a woman here, and sometimes let my fear that there won't be one person who needs or desires a friendship as much as I do get the best of me. I rationally know that this kind of friendship takes time, and it took time before, but I also know the blessing of true, deep friendship with other women and it makes me miss it all the more not having it here yet. Maybe, if I'm honest, it's not the "beginning" of that friendship that I long for...because in truth, maybe the beginnng of the friendship I'm speaking of has already, well, begun. :-) If I'm really honest, what I long for is that already established friendship. The one where your past is known and accepted, your dreams for the future are shared and supported. After being in one place for a number of years it's almost overwhelming to think of where to begin in friendships. I'm so used to being around people who know everything about me and there's no need for explaining when you're known so well, you're just understood. My impatience in this area definitely tells me I was maybe too comfortable where I was...too comfortable to notice someone who might be in the place where I am today...<br />
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Unfortunately, it is many times my husband who bears the brunt of this fear of loneliness. I look to him to know me perfectly because I feel so "unknown" everywhere else. There are days when I overlook the blessing of getting to live with my best friend everyday and expect him instead to fill the role that only God was meant to fill. Only God can ever know me so perfectly inside and out that He can know my every need, hurt and desire intimately and completely before I've even formed a concise thought about it. There is a blessing though, even in this loneliness. I definitely feel myself more drawn to Christ and His word as a way to be reminded that He does know me perfectly and intimately. It was easy in the midst of great friends and community to not depend on Christ as much and to grow lazy in my own getting to know Him as He knows me. Maybe he wants to use this time to remind me how well He knows me and that it can be enough in this season...<br />
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The position I find myself in these days is one of great vulnerability and it's not always a very "safe" feeling kind of place. I definitely desire to continue to put myself out there and feel like I might as well put "all of me" out there because how else will I ever be known? And when I am known, I want it to be the real me, not a cleaned up, "in-public" version...but it definitely leaves me then to wonder, uh-oh...that was the real me I just put out there, what if they don't like me? Maybe I've felt this way before and it's just been so long since I've been the new person that I've forgotten what's completely normal. It's a deep longing that I have that wonders when and if we'll ever make it past the feeling "welcome" stage to feeling like we belong...<br />
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It's interesting contrasting the "high" of planning for a transition for so long and being so sure and excited about it with the "low" of the natural time it takes to really feel at home somewhere. It's with this thought that I am reminded how before the move God gave us such a peace about it that it seemed the usual stresses and sadness of a move were muted in a way, because it was easy to trust where He was leading. That same peace on this side of the move is available to me when I stop stressing over the timing and details of everything and just live each day as He gives it, taking each opportunity as He gives it...<br />
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I will FOREVER be mindful of how grateful I am for God's timing in all of this...when I think of how long ago God planted the desire in Matt's heart for the move here and how opposed I was to it for so many years, I am so thankful that I can honestly love everything about being HERE, now. Even amidst the loneliness that sometimes sneaks in around me when I am focused on the ways God blessed me in friendship in the past, I can't even imagine what it would feel like to be despairing about one's geographical location while also feeling alone. I am reminded anew of how God cares for me and knows me perfectly, the God of the universe has inscribed me on the palms of His hands! (Isaiah 49:16) How could I for too long wallow in the despair of being unknown when I belong to Him? He is a faithful and true friend and has Himself longed for me to recognize Him as such. "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13)<br />
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"Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; how blessed are all those who long for Him." (Isaiah 30:18)<br />
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...May my longing be to first seek the One who longs for me...<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">(This picture was taken 1 year ago...we had stopped in Lynchburg on our way back from vacationing in Tennessee and hiked up to the LU monogram to watch the sunset. While up there we looked down on Lynchburg and tried to imagine what it would be like if we lived here...who could have imagined it would only be one year later when we would call this place home? Be careful what you imagine...:-))</div>Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608319617754671707.post-84941498620337111002010-09-17T14:03:00.000-07:002010-09-17T14:03:55.829-07:00One Thing(from my journal- July 20, 2010)<br />
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Well, I find myself amidst boxes again. :-) Surely I forget each time the specific stresses involved with moving or there'd be a lot more kicking and screaming on my part when Matt suggests it each time, ha! Seven months ago, just a couple days before Christmas, the "bomb" was dropped when Matt informed me that he really didn't see himself signing a contract for another 5 years as CEO of Social Solutions. I shed a few tears but felt ultimately at peace with it and was able to tell him that my place was with him where ever that might be and that I'd support whatever he decided. <br />
A plan was born to finally get us to Lynchburg. :-) All the pieces seemed to fall fairly easily into place (except the sale of our house so far...we're set to move in 8 days and still no contract). I know Your timing is always best God, but it really has felt like this has been the bulk of the stress for us...of course maybe that's the point. The other day Matt says..."Isn't it reassuring to know that 5 years from now we'll look back on this period of extreme stress and laugh at how stressed we were?"...Um, I'm kinda hoping it doesn't take us 5 YEARS to get to the point of laughter over our folly of lack of faith, but yeah, reassuring I guess you could say. :-) Actually, how could I NOT be reassured when I think back 6 or 7 years ago when Matt first told me he felt drawn to move to Lynchburg? Talk about kicking and screaming! I actually even showed up on a dear friend's doorstep sobbing that surely God hadn't intended me to marry a man who couldn't cool his heels in one place for more than a couple years. :-) (thank God for friends who can listen to my rantings and then lovingly remind me that God knows exactly what He's doing...even when I don't) And now today, God has me at the point of being just as excited about the move as Matt is...in fact, my biggest fear NOW being that we'll end up having to stay in Maryland after having our hearts set on Lynchburg! Craziness! Yeah, I'm definitely looking back at myself then and laughing...but all in God's perfect timing, right? Right.<br />
The sadness over the move has yet to really hit me, save for a few shed tears here and there over the friends we're leaving. For the most part, whether it's by God's grace or my avoidance (hopefully the former and not the latter!) I've been able to focus on what we're gaining and not what we're losing. Is that what happens when you feel as if God has you headed right where He wants you? Or have we totally misjudged? How do you ever TRULY know what He wants until you succeed or fail at it? And, am I eternally destined to always question His leading unless the process comes easily? Will I forever squander the learning and molding that comes with the testing? Being tempted to think instead, "We must have heard wrong."?<br />
I do know ONE THING, although I dread the end of summer because I love everything about summer, I don't dread the beginning of the school year...I'm so excited about this new place for Hannah and Sam, that's a blessing! I don't understand what all that foster care business was about, but I know ONE THING, if God had allowed a child to be placed with us long-term, and that child was with us when Matt approached me about a move, I'm not so sure I could have supported him at the risk of losing a child. So, I guess just knowing ONE THING, as long as it's the important thing, is all you need to know. I may not know when or if our house will ever sell, I may not know if the end of all this stress is 8 days away or if this is just the tip of the iceberg, I may not fully grasp the true sense of loss I'll feel when we finally do leave our dear friends here...but I do know ONE THING. I know my Heavenly Father knows me better than I know myself and is working everything for my good and not my harm. (Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11) His plan is perfect and better suited for me than anything I could ever come up with on my own. (Isaiah 55:8-9, Ephesians 3:20) I thank God for the ONE THING.<br />
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"Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time." -Oswald Chambers<br />
Johannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08561501180159636958noreply@blogger.com1